Update: Outta the ER with some meds. Docs still aren’t 100% sure what’s wrong with me, the symptoms I have aren’t quite textbook, but seem to touch a bunch of things. Anyways, they have an assumption of what I have, which is an infection and I have some antibiotics for that. To be honest, maybe the best news I heard. As far as things to be wrong with me, that really is one of the best…provided it does no lasting damage. I was getting worried it might be kidney stone (what the Docs thought it might be) or abdominal cancer or something. Seems more unlikely at this point but it’s a possibility still I guess.

Whew, not a kidney stone. I would not be looking forward to that. The thought of it makes me squirm in pain.

You know, I had a post in my drafts for about a year. It’s titled “Warren goes to the hospital for nothing serious”. In it, I describe my first time going to the hospital, which turned out that I ate too many sour cream and onion chips at my parent’s party one night, my stomach hurt all saturday and sunday, until I went to the hospital, threw up, and felt better :S I was pretty young, early grade school or even before grade school. In 2nd grade, I had 6 stitches to the forehead for playing around and falling on the corner of a school door. I remember opening my eyes, my friends all staring at me, and blood, dripping down onto the ground from my head. I never saw the wound tho…which may have been a good thing.

I don’t recall going to the hospital again for myself since then. I’ve been there for something Z had for a while, I’ve been there to visit my Grandmother shortly before she passed away but to my recollection, I don’t remember the hospital that much. Which is a good thing. I really hate the hospital. All these people with stuff wrong with them. It may be partially that I’m a germophobe but I just feel….death and despair around a hospital. To me, it’s where bad stuff is happening. I mean, people are there to get better…but it means something is wrong in the first place. The place itself is fine, just the thought of going to the hospital…and visiting someone there. To be honest, I feel like Dexter in the way that, I don’t know how to act. I’m not sure to act sympathetic, or be light-hearted or…what. I can’t really do what comes naturally because….I don’t really…feel anything. It’s hard to describe, but as I’ve said before, I’m kinda dead inside or psychopathic in some ways, “abnormal lack of empathy” can often describe me.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. “Empathy. I lack it.”

Anyways, this post was just to combine to the “Warren goes to the hospital for nothing serious” post. It seems that I have, again, dodged the bullet with my health. While something is definitely wrong, it’s not terribly bad. It should be fully recoverable. Even now, I’m at pretty minimal pain. As I get older, I do notice more stuff wrong with me but so far, I’ve still felt relatively…invincible, a way of thinking when you’re younger.

Not to jinx myself though. Last night, I again prayed to the God I believe in when I’m really desperate for stuff, and whether he heard the call and did something or whether it’s coincidence or whether that’s just the world and fate/destiny doing what it was always going to do, I feel like….everything’s okay.

And no, I don’t believe in God. I feel that people who believe in religion or the unexplainable by science are weak minded. But hope is not a scientific thing and while I don’t believe in God, I do find it reassuring to pray to him when I’m really desperate. I don’t see how it can hurt. And even by doing so, I believe that it’s because of a moment of weakness on my part. And that’s perfectly fine. It was.

Anyways…my plan for the foreseeable future is to rest and not to do anything too active. So basically, live my life exactly as I’ve been living it my entire life -_-;