Warren Shea - World of Warren

Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

The Moment

Sunday, April 18th, 2010 at 12:27 am

I was out all day with my high school friends…spent all of dinner talking about work, relationships and weddings. I realize the significant shift in conversation these last few years, it’s no longer about a show or some music or…drama with people you aren’t that close with. It’s all very…mature. And I love it. I’ve never been one to talk about trending topics, I live in my own little world compared to my friends. Sure, some people watch anime, some read comic books, some people do computer stuff, some people play video games….but no one does all of them out of my friends. Except me. They all have more in common with each other than I have with any one of them….that’s how it is. I’m the odd one out. It’s kinda funny because Zena’s friends are more like me than my close and best friends. I would probably have gotten closer to them if I didn’t already love my current circle. Having too many friends…and going out frequently….is too exhausting for an anti-socialite such as myself. I was never looking for new friends either…despite the differences with my current friends, they are still the best friends I could ever ask for. All of them.

Anyways, I drove my soon-to-be-married friend home…and we talked about our respective relationships. We talked about both of our relationships as well as an already married couple…and how all 3 of us guys had this moment…not a specific amount of time, but this…moment in your life when you realize you’re with “the one”. I never really…thought about it, I always assumed I would be with Z and that’s the way things were gonna play out. But I never thought about this “the one” stuff. But these last few weeks…I realized it. My “moment” wasn’t a specific, sudden realization. I don’t know how long it took but I feel it now, I realize it now…when I didn’t feel it a few months ago. It’s not to say I didn’t love her before, it’s just saying I might not have realized her true significance to me. But things have changed. I’ve changed. I see it now that every person that gets married probably has this moment…

There’s still so much to learn about life and love. I’m feel so…superior sometimes…that I feel that I’ve matured faster than others…that I’ve thought about things my peers have never thought about…that I’ve used my thinking time more wisely, that I know it all and everyone else is playing catch up. I believe it comes with being an introvert and isolated. When left alone with my thoughts too long, my mind tends to wander and think about things I believe others have never considered. I feel like I’ve trained myself to think faster than others, to be quicker, to see five solutions to a problem in the same time others might only find one. But there are some things…you just can’t out think, no matter how much time you have. There are some things in life you have to experience…you can imagine them, but you can’t understand them. Like when Robin Williams talked to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting. He analyzed Matt, telling him he could read, memorize, and quote about love…but he couldn’t understand, he couldn’t feel. And it was true.

I feel humbled…my friend, telling me, literally applauding me for discovering something he discovered years ago (which is why he’s getting married in 2 weeks, and I’m not). It’s not a race to discover this moment…in everyone’s case (er, of the 3 we discussed), it took some kind of meaningful event or person to make the realization. A catalyst to start the change. I have been going out with Zena almost 6 years and it just so happened I was at this point in my life that the catalyst took effect. But…it could have just as easily have happened sooner…or later. Maybe I was looking for it…actually…I kind of was…but I never foresaw this “moment”. I had to discover it on my own…realize it. Understand it. Feel it.

There is still so much to learn…I’m excited to experience more realizations like this. And excited to talk to my friends about them…I may feel superior to a lot of people in a lot of ways…but love is not one of them. I’m doing well but there’s still so much to catch up on. Another era in my life is just about to start. Specifically, on Wednesday. And I’m ready for it. I wasn’t 3 years ago. I wasn’t 4 months ago. But I’m ready now.

Posted in All Posts, Friends, Love, Love | No Comments »

It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010 at 11:29 pm

It’s true. The glass is not half empty. It’s fact.

In the grand scheme of things, nothing matters. Not your life, not mine, not the contributions we make, or the people we help. Sure, it matters in the small sense. But in the grand scheme, nothing we say, do, create, or destroy will have any significance.

If your life is awesome, you probably disagree with the above.

But if your life sucks, this mentality will make life easier. Do what you want, it doesn’t matter what other people say or do or think. It doesn’t matter what you say or do or think. I mean, in the grand scheme of things…
Don’t go losing your job cuz you’re an idiot.

…what a downer post. I just felt like writing something…

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“I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do”

Thursday, March 18th, 2010 at 1:01 am

Savage Garden – Affirmation <-- song, click to play

I just felt those words resonate with me. I’m watching this House episode where this over protective mother won’t let the doctors treat her son because she’s a stubborn, tough old broad. I started to think about how (loving) parents…don’t always do what’s best. Because they love, because they care, they can be irrational. Their judgment can be flawed because they’re too emotionally invested. But…they still do what they believe is best for their children.

Parents don’t get the credit they deserve from any of you (yes, I’m talking to -you-). I’m guilty as well. I’m short with my parents (or maybe I’m short BECAUSE of my parents – ba dum dum ching!), I lose my temper easily. I don’t talk to them often. They don’t call anymore because when they did, I’d be “too busy” to talk to them…but I’d just be lying cuz I’d be in the middle of some show and it was more important. I don’t call them because I’m independent, I don’t call them just like I don’t really call anyone. I blocked them on MSN because I used to write profanity in my MSN status and I didn’t want them knowing their son swore…I always turned profanity off around them. Like those words didn’t exist.

Wow, I sound like such an awful son don’t I? Which…might just be the truth.

Anyways, I guess I could unblock them now, my MSN status remains unchanged…but then they might come across my blog. I’ve made a number of references towards them…never anything bad but…would I be embarrassed if they read this blog? If they found out some of the frakked up things about me? Maybe….Even this post might shatter how they see me.

I’m getting a bit side-tracked…I want to get back to my original point of this post.

I said something today in front of my co-workers…
“Stupid people should not have children”. I believe I incorrectly used the word “stupid”…but the message I wanted to convey is that…while it’s everyone’s right to have children, I personally don’t think it’s always a good idea.

Regarding abortion, I’m very much pro-choice. I don’t believe children should be born into this world if their parents aren’t ready to have them. Or if the child was the result of one stupid, drunken night. Or if the child was born into a family with not enough financial support. I’m going to be honest – regarding any life, I don’t think love is enough. A child should be raised with responsible, reasonably intelligent parents.

I want to clear this up before I go further: I’m not going to go into the ethics of abortion and how it’s ending a life and every life is precious. Going back to what I said in previous blog posts, I don’t believe life is precious. Life can be created quite easily. It just takes some alcohol and poor judgment, something the human race has an abundance of. That’s a tad cynical but the point is that I don’t see life itself as precious. But that’s just me. Create it. End it. We might as well be Gods in our own way.

Again, I’m getting side tracked. To continue what I was saying before…

A child should be raised with responsible, reasonably intelligent parents. They should have money to support the child and family. They should be mature, they should be loving, they should be this, they should be that. As children, we probably saw our parents as Gods. Seriously, they were the higher power. They fed us, they bathed us, controlled us, disciplined us, they were the shining example of what we should be. That is…until we got a little older and realized how flawed they are. How…similar they are to just about every other person you’ve ever met. How they have strengths. How they have weaknesses. How they weren’t Gods. They are just….human….like everyone else. But they saw themselves as Gods, molding life in their image. Trying to create the best possible offspring. They might have succeeded. They might have failed. But they did the best job they knew how to do.

And on that note, you should call your parents. Just to say hi. Because…they’ll love it. And it’s so easy for you. Now, you might do that. You might not. And despite all I’ve written, I probably won’t. Because the important things get left unsaid. And I’ve always been a terribad son. And I’ll probably, despite my best efforts, be a terribad father. Actually, I don’t believe that at all.

This post…is probably the most accurate post of how my mind works and how I think about things. When I walk to work, I start thinking of something, but it snowballs into this and that, leading to whatever topic tickles my interest. This might be one of my most all over the place posts…and that’s how I think. Up here *points to head*, I’m a mess. But you already know that :)

Posted in All Posts, Family, Insightful Reads, Life | 1 Comment »

Many discoveries on my journey home

Monday, February 22nd, 2010 at 8:38 pm

Note: I walked home in today’s somewhat heavy snow.

1. Lots of snow makes my hair sad and cry. When I got home, my hair was considerably flat and down…it looked depressed. As the snow melted, my hair started to drip (or cry) on my shoulder. Don’t worry, I comforted it.

2. Only a very small number of people use umbrellas on a day like today. I don’t understand why people wouldn’t, it’s basically raining (and yes, I didn’t bring my umbrella, I oddly didn’t check the weather today, something I do everyday before leaving my home).

3. People still walk on the outside (or is it inside?) of the sidewalk, near the road despite the giant puddles. Many of them very close to being Perfect Crime’d.

Perfect Crime’d – as defined by Warren and Z: When a car drives through a puddle of water, splashing nearby pedestrians with dirty street water. By the time the crime has been committed and the victim has realized their misfortune, the driver/perpetrator should be a decent distance away. The victim never knows who the perpetrator is nor can the victim catch the perpetrator. The perpetrator is faster and has a car for protection.
e.g.
Z: “Oooo, look at that puddle! Those people are standing right beside it!”
W increases the speed of his car and gradually turns towards the puddle. W drives through the puddle.
W: “LUL! Those guys got perfect crime’d!”
Then W went straight to hell.

4. Walking with the snow is considerably different from walking against it. I swear for the 1 minute I walked against the snow, ice scratched up my eyes and hail flew into my ear and perforated my eardrum.

5. I did not, even for a moment, lose my balance or come close to slipping. I did see others that did though. I attribute this either to my grace, my sneakers, or my ninja like reflexes. If only we could use our mind to fly…then this wouldn’t be an issue. Evolution people, jeez…maybe you should try it once in a while.

This post is border-lining absurdity…I think I’ll stop.

Posted in All Posts, Life, My Life | 1 Comment »

“People always leave”

Saturday, February 13th, 2010 at 11:09 am

– Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill

People are shaped by everything around them. They become who they are because of the experiences they’ve had and the people they meet. But of the people they meet, only a very tiny few will be with them for most of their life. Family, a significant other, a few close friends. What about the other 99.9% of people? Well, they all carry on with their own lives. They walk a different road than you. You cross paths. Or you don’t.

What I’m really trying to get at is that there are some people who make a significant difference in your life for a time. Some people you’re incredibly close with or feel a connection with. But even these people come and go. You only walk the same path for a while.

I’ve been thinking about some of the treasured friends in my life and how they are not in my life anymore. Not because of a falling out, not because they’ve passed on, but simply because you no longer walk the same path as them. Despite even trying to keep in touch, your paths get further and further. It gets harder and harder. Even if you do manage to connect for a brief moment, the lives you had together are long gone. The bond you had, never to be recaptured again. Things change.

I’ve been thinking about the people in my life right now who, sad to say, won’t be in my life forever. Not even very long really, despite being such a significant part of my life right now. I can use my time with them the best I can. But it won’t be enough. I wish that I could walk with them longer on the path they take. I wish they could walk with me. But that won’t happen. Things will change. Our paths will diverge. This is life. People always leave.

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