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Warren Shea

Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

Not World of Warren

Wednesday, January 18th, 2012 at 9:02 pm

My friend linked this page to me. It can be found here in it’s entirety:

Just found it interesting.

Also, as you may NOT have guessed, this is not referring to me. I wouldn’t have a level 60 orc in 2011. PFFT. I had Tauren or Blood Elves…and I had 10 80s. But yes, lots of it is eerily similar. It was difficult reading the comments, and I didn’t read all of them. I’m not THAT ^ person anymore…(and I know it’s not referring to me, but it’s close enough).

I did throw a lot of my social threads away. Fortunately, my uni schools friends played WoW too. And my high school friends (my closer friends) didn’t abandon me in my weakest days when I abandoned them…for a game. I wasn’t that social last year…but this year, with some of my new friends, I’m really growing socially. I’ve been more social in the last few months than I’ve ever been. Maybe why my blog posts are going down (actually, I do have an answer for that…I’ll write about that later).

Will write more later. Zelda time. Almost done.

♪ ♫ What can you do when your good isn’t good enough ♬ ♪

Tuesday, January 17th, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Click to show

I’ve been listening to this song lately…it’s a…sad song I guess. When I rewatched Glee, listening to this song was really emotional.

“What can you do when your good isn’t good enough? When all that you touch tumbles down?”

These lyrics starting to pop into my head whenever I see someone failing at something.

I’m looking at my peers.

One of them put 100% into a relationship and it still failed.
One of them tries to work really hard but still struggles at their job.
One of them tries to work really hard but doesn’t get recognized for their work.

I’m just listening to this song as those lyrics (the entire song almost) apply themselves everywhere.

When I listen to this song, I think: desperation

Trying impossibly to do, to get or fix something. But maybe you can’t. Not this time.

I’ve dealt with my own share of personal desperate failures in the last few years. Times where I feel desperation…because what I’m doing just isn’t good enough to get what I want or fix situations.

It’s a horrible feeling to have…this desperation. And when I look around me at those who have had or have this feeling, I wonder:
How could they not see it coming?
How could they not prepare for it?

But…I’m guilty of the exact same thing. Sometimes…these situations just happen.

I’ve been thinking hard about myself and that I always need to be prepared.
Prepared to lose things. My girlfriend. My job. My possessions. My family.

Ugh. Even writing that is almost like…admitting that I can lose something. I mean, on one hand I want to be prepared for failure. But on another hand, I should strive for success and failure should never even be an option. I shouldn’t even consider preparing because I *know* I’m not going to fail. But that’s not it…it’s that as much as I try not to fail, sometimes it just happens. That’s the point I guess.

(Knowing you’ll never fail is a confidence and arrogance in yourself that defies logic. A younger me was very guilty of that. Even now, I’m somewhat guilty of it…but I’m more vulnerable now than when I was younger. I have much more to lose.)

So I need to always be on my toes. And make sure I never fall into a situation where this desperation applies to me.
If I lose my job: what do I do? I need to constantly keep my skills up so that I can get another job ASAP. I can’t ever fall behind so much that I don’t have the skill to do something.
If I lose my possessions: what do I do? I need to remember that money and material things aren’t what make my life. And that my family is there to support me.
If I lose my girlfriend: what do I do? I die a horrible death alone. I think this is the one I’m probably least prepared for…

Anyways, this song and the lyrics have been floating around my head lately…seemingly popping up everywhere and applying to everything. I just wanted to…remind everyone that sometimes you fail, despite your best efforts. And that everyone needs to not only be prepared for it, but to accept this reality and be prepared to move past it. To accept that sometimes you fail. To accept that you have to try again.

Confidence in my voice.

Thursday, December 8th, 2011 at 2:35 am

I’m not referring to singing voice here. I’m finding as I grow older that I’m more confident in my voice. By that, I mean I have more confidence in voicing my concerns, my opinions, my advice, my knowledge.

I don’t think I ever had trouble voicing things I knew. I remember in Grade 4 going up to the blackboard to teach division, having learnt it well before we learned it in elementary school.
In early high school, I had tutored math. I was really shy at it…at first. But I was always strong at the teaching math part, just not the talking to students about non-math. I believe Kumon + my high school friends/life were the 2 most influential aspects to coming out of my shell.

But I can’t say I was ever really comfortable with my opinions until recently. I’ve lead a somewhat sheltered life. I don’t think I was ever one of the cool kids…even if my friends were the cool kids. I was probably the weird one of them most of the time. Even with my co-workers, I’m probably the weird one. Hm. Eccentric, not weird. Eccentric. Anyways, I haven’t done a lot of things in my life when everyone else did them…I had bubble tea for the first time well after (months after) it was popular. I didn’t go clubbing until late first (?) or second year of uni whereas most other people went as soon as they entered college/university. When my friends started drinking, I tried but didn’t like it cuz it tended to put me to sleep and give me headaches. (Obviously, I’m very different now…10 years too late). My first, and only *real* relationship was started when I was 22, later than most (but not as late as some). While most of my friends have traveled many places, I’m still not one to travel. Unfortunately (for Z), I don’t know if that will ever change. The only thing I like about travelling is staying in a hotel (I feel so special!).

Anyways, I’m just…late to things. And with that, comes the lack of knowledge to accurately voice my opinion on things. Also the fact that I don’t know squat about religion, politics, world news, (and many more things).

Still, over time I’ve been able to gradually learn and catch up to a point that I feel confident in giving myself a voice. Work has helped a lot. I know that as little as 5 years ago, I had peer evaluations that say I was shy and that I needed to speak up more often, because I had good ideas but was afraid to express them. Truer words have never been spoken. I can’t say that this comment applies to me now though. I think the combination of work and doing well at work, as well as being in a relationship which gave me more confidence in life, as well as talking to women (yes, seriously…i used to be very very bad at it…) helped a lot.

But I think what really helped solidify my voice has been this blog.

It’s a wonderful feeling being able to express myself through the written word, in which I’ve been historically poor at, and being not only praised, but connecting with other individuals. To write about anything and everything about life, and having that occasional post touch someone. I’ve had co-workers occasionally, or even regularly read my blog. I’ve occasionally sent posts to co-workers to inspire them (and successfully done so). I mean, I write a lot of stuff. Most of it crap or updates about life or whatever. But sometimes I’ll write something that applies not only to myself, but to other people. To give them something to think about that they may not have. It’s just great to be able to write about everything…and have someone randomly say something about my writing. That they like reading my blog. Or that they like my writing style. I don’t know where my faults are (other than lack of proof reading and many grammatical errors) but I know I grow with everything I write. I’m able to organize and express my thoughts better and more clearly.

I know I haven’t blogged as much about anything real lately, before this month. It was a dry spell on this blog and to be honest, I didn’t seem to really care. Even now, I feel I’m slowly losing motivation to keep this blog up to date. But that doesn’t mean I want to stop now, or ever.

It’s never a bad thing to keep a journal, or just to have an emotional outlet. These blog posts aren’t deep talks but they can be pretty close sometimes.

Okay, time to sleep.

Thanks for reading everyone. I hope my writing has helped motivate you, given you a smile, and even helped you grow, just as it has helped me. I started blogging almost 2 years ago (1 year, 10 months) and it’s been a wild journey. I never knew I would have so much fun writing and sharing my thoughts with others.


Sunday, August 14th, 2011 at 3:08 am

I’ve been playing Catherine lately, during the wee hours of the night. Like, 2am-5am type playing. I can’t play too late because it’s fundamentally a puzzle game and, due to my need for perfection, I don’t play when my mind is sluggish. I need to be alert and sharp to achieve good times, make few mistakes, and keep getting that “gold” trophy for every stage.

What I’m really enjoying are the moral questions and dilemmas in here. It’s very much a role playing game and I’m definitely trying to be honest with my choices and what I/the character says. It’s very true to me, which is good. I’m very much looking forward to how this plays out. While there’s a lot to this character that doesn’t apply to me, there is quite a bit that does….universally applies to most men around my age and in my situation.

Something really interesting is that this game asks questions and tracks first-time responses to those questions (I guess they try to capture people’s honest opinions, because a person would generally pick honestly their first time around…and maybe lie in their second or third iterations).

Some of the questions, my answers, and the breakdown of everyone’s answers.

1. Is marriage the point where life begins or ends?
I answered: Begins
Others answered: Begins- 80-85% | Ends – 15%-20%

2. Do you put your job first as a priority in your life?
I answered: Yes
Others answered: Yes – 15-20% | No – 80%-85%

3. Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from excitement?
I answered: Yes
Others answered: Yes – 30% | No – 70%
*These are some personal questions here. I think it only happened to me once in my life. It was definitely within the last 5 years and I remember, when I got it, thinking “wtf? man, this is just like in those animes!! now I get it….” *

4. Do you consider yourself a pervert?
I answered: “No use denying it”
Others answered: “No use denying it” – 70% | “I don’t think so” – 30%
*Jeez, another personal question…not one I’d really like to share over the internet but…ah well. I think that this question is a bit biased based on the people playing this game…I figure many of them are like me. Guys. And…well…this is an “erotic action horror puzzle” game….so I figure the people playing it would be (key word is erotic).

5. Do you buy things according to trends/spend money on fads
I answered: No
Others answered: No – 70% | Yes – 30%

And that’s all I’ve gotten so far. I’m on the 4th night, and there are 8 nights…so I guess I’m 25-50% done. It only gets harder from here so I dunno. I’ll post the other ones when I encounter them.

The puzzles are tough….and really suspenseful. There are 2-3 levels per night and all of them except the last are fairly easy going. You have some time to practice skills….but the last one, you’re always being chased by some fucking messed up or creepy creature. Today, I was chased by this giant creepy undead zombie baby. Pacifier and all. It was not cute at all and I must say, was pretty fucked up. But that’s the game…I can’t wait to see what other scary or disturbing shit this game has got in store for me. Oh yeah, I get scared pretty easily….so I don’t like to play this game right before sleeping. That last level, I’m always close to dying, and always on the edge of my seat, thinking in all the critical moments. This game is pretty stupid hard, even on easy (which is what I’m playing it at…make fun if you want, but I’m mostly playing this for story….and I don’t wanna be frustrated on these stupid puzzles).

What I find best about this game is it’s making me think. It makes me think about life, my future, my job, my girlfriend, marriage, babies, and everything else that complicates things. Like, when I play it, I think “Frig, I don’t wanna think about this stuff”. It’s just like the character I’m playing, Vincent. But I’m learning that time doesn’t stand still, regardless of how much you might want it to. I’ve said time and time again that I love my life how it is now. I’ve definitely hit this phase where everything is great….I don’t really want to ruin it all with major adjustments to life. Not that I think marriage is one…but…kids….definitely. I’ve wanted kids my entire life up until the last year or so when I’ve just been thinking how much fun I’m having now, and how much I don’t want the responsibilities of a kid. I know I can’t be lazy ol’ sleep at 7am for 13 hours on weekends person anymore. But I loooooove that person :'(

Anyways, I think this game has helped me face difficult questions about my future. Where I would run and hide or avoid these types of questions in real life, you HAVE to face them in the game, so it really makes me think “what would I do?”….and because I’m controlling Vincent, I make him act out what I would do…and well, it feels better. It feels good to be decisive….

Anyways, that’s enough outta me. I think I need a break from Catherine, I played it for 3-4 hours today, and 2-3 hours last night. I’ll play it again next weekend :)

Foggy Dew + TFC game

Saturday, March 26th, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Went to a bar, Foggy Dew, last night with my friends. Had some good chatting, some interesting conversations.

Had a Stella, a Black Velvet (a beer cocktail made from stout beer, often Guinness, and white, sparkling wine, traditionally champagne), and a 1L stein of Hacker Pschorr. Afterwards, I had a sparkling wine…so that’s about 4-5 drinks. Less than Bier Market night but I find my tolerance is much worse when I’m at bars or alone than when I’m at a club. I think that’s always been the case…I’m much better with alcohol when I’m on the dance floor than when it’s quiet and I’m sitting still…

We had some interesting discussions last night, my friends and I. Not quite the deep talk I wanted but some of the conversations were eye openers. It started off with one of my friends asking if it was okay to hit on a girl while she has a boyfriend. Out of the 6 guys there yesterday night, 2 of them had personal experience not only being interested in taken girls (which happens quite frequently I’m sure) but succeeding in breaking up the relationships. Well…one was successful, one was….ultimately successful, after a long, long period of time. Note that I call it “successful” in the sense that my friends had accomplished the goal they set out to do: replace the girl’s existing boyfriend. My friend who was asking the question also asked “wouldn’t you feel guilty if you broke them up?”. While I can see his reasoning, I imagine that the primary goal would be to break the couple up and while you may feel guilty, you wouldn’t feel guilty enough that it would prevent you from doing it. I mean, if I were to break a couple up…and I can think of an instance where I almost did, I either wouldn’t do it, or would do it and wouldn’t feel guilty. I mean, in the situation specific to me, the girl would fight with her boyfriend, break up and get back together repeatedly….she was a great girl and I, despite not knowing anything about the guy, deemed him unworthy of her and felt she could do better….(…with me).

Side story on that…I would talk to his girl a lot, see her for lunch during my co-op term (we worked at different places, but they were right across the street from each other). Anyways, we would trade emails back and forth…and eventually one day, her boyfriend read her emails (not cool)…and then got all jealous and they fought and almost broke up. Some more stuff happened…in the end, it would be her deciding, for the sake of her relationship, that my part in her life would be done. Eventually, the two of us continued to be friends and after the relationship I had worked to destroy…eventually fell apart, as I knew it would. And I would talk to her after and she would tell me how happy she was that she wasn’t with that guy anymore. Anyways, I must say that I was probably a really big factor of why they broke up. And I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty. She’s happily married now, I talk to her like, once a year…but she’s doing well.

Anyways, back to the point…if someone were interested in a taken girl, the intention of doing an improper, but fair deed exists. “All’s fair in love and war”. But the intention is understood, regardless of how guilty you may feel, if you actively pursue this intention, then you are indeed committing a foul act.

I also pointed out that while someone might be interested in a girl, it is completely up to the girl to determine what happens. She could ignore the person infatuated with her and stay loyal to her boyfriend, she could play around with both and determine who to be with, or she could leave her boyfriend for the new guy. In scenario two and three (which occurred with my two friends), while successfully “winning” the girl, I noted that immediately after she has been “won”, she depreciates in value. This is because her trust is no longer spotless and her loyalty is in question for all subsequent relationships.

Anyways…both those relationships, in which my friends broke couples up, didn’t last. 1 year and 3 years. However, one of my other friend’s relationship in which he did that is still going strong at 2 years…

Hm, I just noticed that in all 3 of these situations, let’s say 4 including my own, it was the guy that went after the taken girl. Do girls ever go after taken guys? I would assume it’s less likely based on personal statistics. Guys are more…I dunno, I think in at least 3 of these cases, the guy just didn’t care about the boyfriend of the girl they were interested in. The girl is the only focus, the only goal, the only prize. Not that women are objects!. Just kidding, they totally are. And moments after reading this, all my female readers kick me in the balls.


Got a bit side tracked. Let’s see…after going to the bar, we went to my friend’s loft. I was the last one to leave, staying until just after midnight…I cabbed home, close to puking…but I was okay…I guess. I immediately crawled into bed, I wasn’t in the mood for drunken blogging or even staying awake a moment longer. My head was pounding and I definitely could have puked if I tried. But I was resisting. The point of yesterday night, in my eyes, was actually to drink so much that I’d puke. When I was at my friend’s place, telling them I’d never puked before, like 3 or 4 of them shot up with wide eyes in disbelief. I felt…like a drunken puke virgin. How embarrassing. Anyways…it wouldn’t be fun if you TRIED to puke because that’d be too easy. No, the next time I want to drunken puke, I’ll have to earn it. So I crawled into bed…the alcoholic effects yesterday night were some I haven’t had in a while and don’t usually get anymore. See, when I drink, I get hot. Like, I get red, my skin gets warm. VERY warm. It’s somewhat like a fever, in which my skin is hot but the feeling I have is cold. Very cold. So I was shivering, with double blankets as I slept last night…I fell asleep immediately but woke up very often to…use the restroom. I had already woken up 3 times in the middle of the night so when I woke up the 4th, I looked at the time…it was 4:30am. “That’s it?” I thought. Anyways, I woke up again at 6….this time drinking quite a bit of water before I went back to sleep. The shivers were almost gone but my head was pounding. Woke up again at 8:30…and 9:10…but then slept well, headacheless til 11:30am, when I woke up to get ready for the TFC game. I was really worried that I’d be too hung over or sick or messed up to go to the game. I would hate to bail 2.5 hours before it started.

Eventually, I got myself ready. While I didn’t drink during the game (I was still trying to sober up a bit), I had 1 foot long hot dog, and 1 foot long smoked chili hot dog (cheese, sour cream, and chili). My co-workers (as I got the TFC tickets through work) shouted that “Warren likes to eat big wieners!” as we were sitting around, in the spectators. I didn’t deny it, as I totally inhaled the hot dog. It was very good. And juicy. I just wrote all that to give my co-worker, who reads this blog, a laugh :)

A video of how close my seats were

I took some pictures, but they turned out really weird/ugly. Maybe it was the sun that was out? It’s like the soccer game from a radioactive, apocalyptic future!

Anyways…off to try to do something productive.