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Warren Shea

Archive for the ‘Past’ Category

I talk to myself. Even through time.

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010 at 11:41 pm

[12.20.02]
wahoo !!!!! i finally got my wacom 4×6 drawing tablet….4×6 !! so small…but if 4×6 is 400$ and 6×8 is 700$, i think i’ll save the 300$ for the extra 2 inches….maybe when i have more money, i’ll get a bigger one…. damn…400$….it was this or ps2….and i chose this….better be worth it !! – from azn_prometheus

*In angry but warren comical tone*
You stupid child! Not only is your writing awful to look at but you’ve made a worthless purchase! In less than 3 years, you’ll start playing World of Warcraft and you will realize that the pen does not work with the game. The tablet will become a $400 mousepad until you realize that you should just pack it away. Once packed away, it will never again see the light of day. And the PS2 you didN’T purchase will leave you so behind in games (FF9, FFX, FFX-2, MGS3, KH1, KH2, …) that you’ll never be able to catch up! And you’ll be playing Megaman 9 and Megaman 10 because it’s short and you can pick it up and drop it anytime and not have to play until you find a save point cuz oh wait, you have work and you wanna build websites and read books – not even novels, textbooks. Oh god you are lame.

I just watched “Burn after Reading” and not only did it make me wanna rage during the movie, but I’ve got a lingering hate from all the unnecessary profanity that my poor ears had to be subjected to. And my optimism that the movie might get better faded when the credits ran and I felt sheer disappointment. And a movie where everyone was cheating on everyone else made me question the sanctity of marriage.

*In normal tone*
On another note, this rage made this last post easy to write.

*Back to angrycomical tone*
…but STILL I’M ANGRY. Time to read more fanfiction…soothe my nerves and mend my heart. Who’s got the love that makes me BELIEVE IN IT AGAIN? <3 Shikamaru and Yuri <3. That's who. Chapter 8.

When internet handles are no longer kool

Sunday, January 31st, 2010 at 10:39 pm

I’ve been guilty of a number of internet handles that, over time, just aren’t kool anymore

megasigmax – My first handle, a merging of Megaman X and Sigma (the main villain of the series)

megazeroxx – My alt handle, a merging of Megaman X and Zero of the same series. I thought it was an okay alt handle until my friend pointed out that a “mega” “zero” is actually pretty lame. I abandoned the name immediately, humiliated that I didn’t notice the obvious connection. Also, there are 2 “X”s. That’s just 1 short from being pr0n. I also didn’t notice that. Sigh.

azn_prometheus – Prometheus, the villain of the justice league in Grant Morrison’s run. Named after the Greek god, my spin by turning him into an Asian_Greek_god certainly didn’t make a whole lot of sense
(azn_prometheus – my old website from 2002)

ICQN – My deviantart handle (http://icqn.deviantart.com/). The idea was to make it like ICON, but the O was a Q, like a comic book chat bubble. Inside the Q, was the ICON. It was a failure because it’s too much like ICQ, which some still remember as one of the first popular instant messaging services. Also, is it ICON or ICQN? and why is there so much emphasis on ICON when it’s ICQN. This boggles even my mind.

This sig is on a Supergirl picture I colored hence the icon of the trademark S and the female symbol.

AEGIS – My Initial D arcade handle. Taken from Gate Keepers anime, this one was the most uncringable.

I’ve finally decided to abandon these childish names, of which I realize I was never particularly good at. My handles are now:

warrenshea or xuehualun (my chinese name)

At least it only took 25 years to learn this. In the next 25 years, I hope to learn:
1. How to put the toilet seat down and
2. Something about women. Anything.

****SIDE STORY****
Shea isn’t really a name of Chinese origin. It’s Irish. The story is that when my father came to Canada, they asked him how to pronounce his last name. My father, poor at English, said “Xue”, similar to Shea. The Americans asked him if “Shea” was okay, probably because they didn’t know how to spell “Xue”. My father agreed that it was okay. I learned later that it was one of his bigger regrets but at the time, it probably didn’t seem like such an important decision (?). I’ve sometimes felt like changing my last name back to Xue, not for heritage reason, but because it would be kool to be Warren Xue. Warren X.

Stranger: “Hello, what’re your name?”
Me: “Call me Mr. X”

WAH so kool !!!

I can sense everyone making a -_-; face and in disbelief at what they just read. I never claimed I wasn’t an idiot.

Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia): Eating infront of people

Saturday, January 30th, 2010 at 8:16 pm

Everyone’s scared of something. While I’m not particularly “scared” of this, eating infront of people makes me very uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to the point of if I had to, I would always choose to eat alone. Uncomfortable to the point of possibly psychologically tricking myself into be full earlier than I would be if I ate alone. Uncomfortable to the point of screaming out “DON’T LOOK AT ME!!” in the midst of eating with others. Okay, I made that last one up.

What I believe to be the start of my phobia occurred in grade 11-12. I was out at a dinner with some co-workers (I worked at Kumon, a math tutoring school). I was eating some ice cream and this girl across from me (co-worker) was giggling. I couldn’t figure out why, I WAS eating in a funny way, kind of to make her laugh, but…when I asked why she was laughing, she wouldn’t tell me. Later that night, while thinking about it, I came to my own conclusion that it was the way I held my spoon. While this may not have been the cause of her laughter, I came to a self-realization. I, for about 17~ years, had been holding my spoons and forks like this:


My parents, who aren’t particularly civilized themselves when they eat, never corrected me and for my whole life, that (the image above) had been my natural way of using a utensil and eating. Even now, at the age of 27, I naturally hold utensils that way as it’s more comfortable.

While I do, when I remember, hold a fork like so:

I don’t think I’ll ever forget my embarrassment and the realization of being 17~ years old and not knowing one of the simplest of table manners.

The issue with this realization was that, for my whole life, I had been doing something incorrectly and never corrected. What other obvious manners have I never been aware of? What other social norms do I continue to break? This has led to a whole level of self-consciousness and while I know I’m self-conscious of many things, I’m very aware of this one. I recognize that it’s irrational but I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about it.

The lesson is: when you have kids, make sure to teach them everything you can. But don’t pass on your unexplained phobias, disorders, and issues. Let them choose their own path in life, just guide them to being good people. And train them in video games because the heightened reaction time will save their lives when the aliens and robots attack.

Not that long ago, in a living space not that far away…

Thursday, January 28th, 2010 at 9:40 pm

My desk in highschool…

Atop my dresser…in highschool…

My comics…in highschool (i have more than that now -_-;)

YES, I AM COMFORTABLE DISPLAYING MY INNER NERD and NO, GIRLS WERE NOT INTERESTED IN ME. AT ALL. sadface.