I originally wanted to discuss another form of Social Anxiety Disorder: One on one interaction but as I’ve written this, I realize that I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder in general.

I’m very uncomfortable in a one on one social situation unless it’s with someone I’m fairly comfortable with or it’s someone that I WANT to be with. For work related issues (i.e. meetings) it’s not so much of an issue. There’s a topic to be discussed and that is the focus. But I’ll avoid say

1) Going out to lunch with someone I’m not too familiar with or if I feel the situation might have awkward silences.
2) Being in a car with only one person.
3) Having one (or many) guests over at my place.

There are many exceptions. I don’t have any issues regarding the above with Zena, my good friends, or some of my co-workers. But I would generally avoid the situation with strangers or people with uncommon interests.

Regarding my co-workers, I’d feel comfortable with Clint, Karol, Ron or Chris. But I wouldn’t feel comfortable with Xin, Derek or any OLM (with the possible exception of Ackley). It’s not that they aren’t as close to me as my other co-workers but we don’t have as much in common. Once you get past work related topics, there’s not much to talk about with them (for me). They’re harder to talk to and I don’t like forcing conversation. I also don’t like the silence and thus, I’d avoid the situation in general.

I would be fine in a group of 3. Though with 3 people the dynamic completely changes. I don’t like if my brother stays over at my condo unless Zena’s there. I’ve been in a one on one with my brother, it’s not fun and it doesn’t turn out well. But when Zena’s around, it’s completely different. I also don’t generally like going out for coffee runs with just 1 person but I’d go if there are at least 2.

I wasn’t sure why this is, I assumed it was just another social anxiety issue (much like my eating in front of others phobia). But after trying to find this specific issue, I’ve come to the more general realization that I simply have Social Anxiety Disorder.

Wikipedia says:
Social anxiety is anxiety (emotional discomfort, fear, apprehension, or worry) about social situations, interactions with others, and being evaluated or scrutinized by other people.

Some items of note from this page that apply directly to me:
Social anxiety can also be self-integrated and persistent for people who suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder, which can also make the social anxiety harder to overcome, especially if ignored.

Another site listed triggering situations. I will place a “Y” beside items which I have an issue with:
Being introduced to other people – Y
Being teased or criticized – Y – but I don’t know anyone that likes that…I get teased a lot, it doesn’t really bother me….criticized is different though. I can get defensive.
Being the center of attention – Y
Being watched or observed while doing something – Y
Having to say something in a formal, public situation – Y
Meeting people in authority (“important people/authority figures”) – Y
Feeling insecure and out of place in social situations (“I don’t know what to say.”) – Y
Embarrassing easily (e.g., blushing, shaking) – Y – I shake a lot
Meeting other peoples’ eyes – Y
Swallowing, writing, talking, making phone calls if in public – I don’t like making phone calls in public, the rest I’m okay with…

When I look at the trigger situations, I realize how obvious it all is. I wouldn’t say I’m terribly affected by it..I can still do these things I might generally avoid if I’m forced to. Without a post like this, it might not be noticeable to the observer…but if you’re aware of this, being around me might suddenly make a whole lot more sense.

I’m not going to try to fight it, it’s not really an issue at the moment. Being with Zena all the time does probably make my situation worse. I often make her do the things I’m uncomfortable doing…waving down a waitress, talking to a comic-con dealer to get a better deal, talking to store-clerks, asking store-clerks for directions, etc. Yes, I have issues with all the above menial things. Frig, the fact that I put my pants on properly 3/5 times during the week is a feat for me.

Damn. I need to get better at this stuff. I can only see the situation getting worse, especially if Zena bails me out all the time. I’ll have to be careful of this…and start to do things I generally would avoid…Damn you self-improvement! Always trying to make me better than I am…you pain in the ass…