Warren Shea - World of Warren

Archive for March, 2010

Blogging about blogging Part 2

Sunday, March 21st, 2010 at 3:04 pm

Few things regarding this blog:

1. I still want to write but the reason I started blogging is no longer applicable. I’ve completed what I needed to complete with it. This means…I’m going to chill a little on this blog. I’m already slowing down (and that’s a good thing).

2. Thanks to my readers. I count 11 of you that consistently read -voluntarily-. This does not include people whom I tell/force to read my blog (Ron & Chris, you don’t count as my readers…cuz ur jerkfaces…)

3. There were quite a few rants that I’ve accumulated in my head throughout my LIFETIME. And a lot of them have already been written…for example:
“I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do”
Hi. I’m Warren. I’m a web developer.
Life. As seen through the eyes of Warren.
The internet is bad.
“People always leave.”
I’ve only got a couple of -meaningful- blog posts that I have in my head left. This means that either I reduce my number of posts or maintain my meaningless posts…the idiocy ones or the ones written on the fly. So, I’m going to ask you, the readers, do you just like reading whatever? Short posts of all the little things I notice? Or do you prefer posts that are long, more thought out, and…possibly more interesting?

And why don’t I just do what I want? I don’t really know what I want…As I said, the reason I started blogging no longer applies. I want to find new purpose, new motivation. If I don’t have a reason…I’ll revert back to old, lazy Warren. I’m looking for feedback, I’m looking for guidance…

Posted in All Posts, Blogging, Writing | 3 Comments »

“I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do”

Thursday, March 18th, 2010 at 1:01 am

Savage Garden – Affirmation <-- song, click to play

I just felt those words resonate with me. I’m watching this House episode where this over protective mother won’t let the doctors treat her son because she’s a stubborn, tough old broad. I started to think about how (loving) parents…don’t always do what’s best. Because they love, because they care, they can be irrational. Their judgment can be flawed because they’re too emotionally invested. But…they still do what they believe is best for their children.

Parents don’t get the credit they deserve from any of you (yes, I’m talking to -you-). I’m guilty as well. I’m short with my parents (or maybe I’m short BECAUSE of my parents – ba dum dum ching!), I lose my temper easily. I don’t talk to them often. They don’t call anymore because when they did, I’d be “too busy” to talk to them…but I’d just be lying cuz I’d be in the middle of some show and it was more important. I don’t call them because I’m independent, I don’t call them just like I don’t really call anyone. I blocked them on MSN because I used to write profanity in my MSN status and I didn’t want them knowing their son swore…I always turned profanity off around them. Like those words didn’t exist.

Wow, I sound like such an awful son don’t I? Which…might just be the truth.

Anyways, I guess I could unblock them now, my MSN status remains unchanged…but then they might come across my blog. I’ve made a number of references towards them…never anything bad but…would I be embarrassed if they read this blog? If they found out some of the frakked up things about me? Maybe….Even this post might shatter how they see me.

I’m getting a bit side-tracked…I want to get back to my original point of this post.

I said something today in front of my co-workers…
“Stupid people should not have children”. I believe I incorrectly used the word “stupid”…but the message I wanted to convey is that…while it’s everyone’s right to have children, I personally don’t think it’s always a good idea.

Regarding abortion, I’m very much pro-choice. I don’t believe children should be born into this world if their parents aren’t ready to have them. Or if the child was the result of one stupid, drunken night. Or if the child was born into a family with not enough financial support. I’m going to be honest – regarding any life, I don’t think love is enough. A child should be raised with responsible, reasonably intelligent parents.

I want to clear this up before I go further: I’m not going to go into the ethics of abortion and how it’s ending a life and every life is precious. Going back to what I said in previous blog posts, I don’t believe life is precious. Life can be created quite easily. It just takes some alcohol and poor judgment, something the human race has an abundance of. That’s a tad cynical but the point is that I don’t see life itself as precious. But that’s just me. Create it. End it. We might as well be Gods in our own way.

Again, I’m getting side tracked. To continue what I was saying before…

A child should be raised with responsible, reasonably intelligent parents. They should have money to support the child and family. They should be mature, they should be loving, they should be this, they should be that. As children, we probably saw our parents as Gods. Seriously, they were the higher power. They fed us, they bathed us, controlled us, disciplined us, they were the shining example of what we should be. That is…until we got a little older and realized how flawed they are. How…similar they are to just about every other person you’ve ever met. How they have strengths. How they have weaknesses. How they weren’t Gods. They are just….human….like everyone else. But they saw themselves as Gods, molding life in their image. Trying to create the best possible offspring. They might have succeeded. They might have failed. But they did the best job they knew how to do.

And on that note, you should call your parents. Just to say hi. Because…they’ll love it. And it’s so easy for you. Now, you might do that. You might not. And despite all I’ve written, I probably won’t. Because the important things get left unsaid. And I’ve always been a terribad son. And I’ll probably, despite my best efforts, be a terribad father. Actually, I don’t believe that at all.

This post…is probably the most accurate post of how my mind works and how I think about things. When I walk to work, I start thinking of something, but it snowballs into this and that, leading to whatever topic tickles my interest. This might be one of my most all over the place posts…and that’s how I think. Up here *points to head*, I’m a mess. But you already know that :)

Posted in All Posts, Family, Insightful Reads, Life | 1 Comment »

Hi. I’m Warren. I’m a web developer.

Monday, March 15th, 2010 at 8:55 pm

While I’m on my life high, I thought I should write about this profession that I love. I’m a bit disappointed though, there’s not really any passion in this post…despite being a profession I love. I guess I’m not feeling it today….

I originally started out as a web designer. My skills were mostly focused around Photoshop and some Flash/Premiere. I had an artistic background and at the time of developing my Photoshop skill, I was (relatively speaking) one of the better digital artists that I knew of. Looking back at it now, it was probably because I had more exposure to Photoshop than everyone else…not because of my artistic skill (which I find pretty lacking – maybe because I haven’t developed it in years).

I continued to be a web designer with minor development skills from high school, all the way until a few of years ago (2000-2007~). I would occasionally do development. I eventually started using <!Doctype> instead of <html>, <div> instead of <table>, css instead of default tag properties. I slowly learned vb syntax. I slowly learned about databases and SQL. I slowly learned c# syntax. All of these things were very gradual, picking up pieces of information here and there…but it was never really my focus. I loved my Photoshop. I thought I could spend all day using Photoshop.

Eventually…my tastes seemed to change. Even with my current eBusiness team, I was originally hired as a designer. A couple of months in and I turned into a hybrid, a designer/developer. I mostly focused on design but I also helped the developers. I was good at debugging, I understood code, logic, etc. Eventually, I made the decision to switch from designer to developer…and I haven’t looked back.

I had two concerns regarding being a developer. First, I wasn’t sure if my skill would be enough. Being surrounded by awesome developers all day, everyday in Waterloo made me question my skills. Relatively speaking to them, I was a bad developer. But relatively speaking to the general population, I’m average or slightly above average.

My other concern 3 years ago was that I couldn’t see myself looking at code all day. I thought it would be boring….but I could see myself using Photoshop all day. This goes back to one of my lifelong goals of finding a profession I enjoy. I wanted to make sure that whatever I was doing, I was having fun. A few more months of Photoshop all day and I started to realize that it didn’t quite stimulate my mind like development did. I could do either all day but…development challenged me in more of a traditional sense whereas I felt that design challenged me only if I actually challenged myself to look at things differently.

I started to slowly be drawn into the development world. I like that development focuses on many logical steps to create a seemingly illogical solution. I like that you can develop something, test it, and either feel a sense of accomplishment or reevaluate the problem, test again, and repeat to eventually feel that sense of accomplishment. I didn’t really feel that with design. Design is subjective. I could do something that I felt was my best work, only to have some half wit tear it down. I doubt I could handle idiots telling me what they think is best. It would make me frustrated. That’s rarely an issue as a developer – except that one recent time when other developers were analyzing/judging my code…that pissed me off >:(

Anyways, I’m a developer now. And I love it. I’m not the greatest developer (not talking web, talking about in general)…but web is seriously EZ MODE in comparison to what’s out there. Which is why it’s perfect for me. I’m not intelligent enough to be a great developer, I’m not a quick learner and I don’t love development like I could/should. I rarely, if ever, look at tech blogs or read up on the latest technologies. But. I’m intelligent enough to do my job well. I’m quick enough to do my job well. I don’t need to read about the latest technologies because I wouldn’t touch that stuff anyways.

The fact is, I’m good at my job. And I’ve chosen it because it doesn’t challenge me like some jobs could. I like being over qualified rather than being under qualified. I don’t think my pride could take being frequently defeated. I know I didn’t handle that lack of ASP.NET knowledge well…I freaked out. I was motivated to learn it but that sort of….wore off…I’d much rather watch House :)

There are more challenging jobs out there…and I admire those that want to try them, that reach for the stars, that always want to jump to the next, harder project. I’m a bit more realistic, judging the situation according to my abilities and myself. I don’t want to make life too difficult for myself. I enjoy being challenged but I also enjoy being lazy. Working too hard leads to burnout. For me, the key to life is always about balance.

I realize that a younger me would call myself a coward…running away from my problems. But I look at life now and say that I’m happy. Not too difficult…not too easy. Balance works. I’d kick that little kid’s ass anyways. Though he could probably outrun me. Little bastard.

I think I’ll stop this post here.

Posted in All Posts, My Life, Past, Web Developer | No Comments »

Affirmation

Saturday, March 13th, 2010 at 11:10 am

This post…is written mostly for me. It’s personal and written so ambiguously that it’d probably be impossible to figure out. I’ll leave it up to you if you still choose to read it.

The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you – Bob Harris, Lost in Translation

The glass has been full lately. There had been a doubt regarding one of my lifelong goals/dreams that I’ve had lingering in my head for years now. This last week, I’ve finally been able to put it to rest. It had always been in the back of my head, giving me stress. I wasn’t sure if the path I’d taken in life was correct or if I had to change it. It’s taken me years to find an answer but I’m sure that the path I’ve chosen is the right one.

I know what I want. I have what I want. And this doubt isn’t going to bother me anymore.

Posted in All Posts, Introspection, My Life | No Comments »

Life. As seen through the eyes of Warren.

Thursday, March 11th, 2010 at 12:44 am

My lifelong dreams/goals include…

1. Finding a profession/career that I enjoy over one I don’t – CHECK
It almost seems stupidly obvious to me but there are a lot of people who don’t enjoy the profession they have. I don’t understand how you can spend so much time of your life doing something you don’t want to do. I understand the monetary responsibilities but isn’t it possible to find something you want to do that also rewards you with enough money? I’m fortunate to have found web design and development. It’s something I do in my free time. Something I enjoy. And fortunately, something I can also get paid for.

2. Finding a girlfriend/wife who understands me and accepts me for who I am – CHECK
I’m very fortunate to have found my significant other so early in my life. We’ve been together for 5 years now, approaching 6. We have ups and downs. But rarely any down. We just work together. I’m so lucky to have found someone who understands me despite my failings. She loves me for who I am.
She’s like a paperweight. There when I need it. She prevents things from flying out of control. She….sits there and looks pretty. She…okay, bad analogy. Seriously though…
She is my confidence when I am insecure.
She is my light when I feel dark.
She is my smile when I am depressed.
She is my understanding when I’m irrational.
She is my balance in life.

For someone as bipolar as me, someone with two minds, someone who takes two opposite views on everything, I can think of no better person to complement and balance myself and my life than Zena.

3. Being financially well off enough that I can do what I want, when I want – CHECK
I’m not rich. I’m not poor. My expenses are low but so are my desires. I don’t buy expensive stuff. My costly expenses include a $200 Collector’s Edition BLU RAY DVD Box Set. I live well within my means. Even supporting a poor student, I have enough money to never worry about it. Again, I don’t have much money. But I don’t have anything expensive to spend it on.

4. Have a room dedicated to my comics, toys, action figures, etc etc. – TO DO
This one is a bit silly but yes, it’s been one of my goals since early high school. Fortunately, this will come with time and it’s quite an easy goal to obtain.

If I were to die…

I would be content. Even at the end of high school, I told my best friend that if I were to die the next day, I would be content with my life. He disagreed saying there’s still much to do and see. But I never felt that way, I’d lived my life the way I’d chosen to live it. No regrets. Comparing that young, naive Warren to myself now, I still feel the same way. There may be much to see, much to do. But even now, I have no desire in seeing or doing these things. I am content with my life. Decisions made are rational and logical. They reflect me and I control my own destiny. To hate the situation I’m in would be my own doing. But I don’t hate it.

I have everything I want.

My life has been…

simple. Honestly, I lead a very spoiled life. I’ve grown up with 2 loving parents who would do anything for me. They weren’t rich but even as a child, I never asked for much. The toys and comics from high school were purchased with my own money. I’ve never known much hardship. I’ve never had anyone close to me ever pass away though to be fair, I would only consider maybe 5 people close to me. I don’t even consider my brother close. Now, I’m not sure if my life has been simple because I’ve made it so or because things fall into place for me. I’ve been a firm believer that things will work out for the best because in my life, they usually do. I’m pretty sure that had I not had the mentality I’ve always had regarding a simple life, I’d have found drama and it would find me.

What does the future hold for me?

I don’t know. It matters little about the material things. If I still have the mentality that I have now in the future, I’ll have considered my life a life worth living. What more could I ask for?

Posted in All Posts, My Life | 6 Comments »