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Warren Shea

I’m done.

Tuesday, June 25th, 2013 at 12:36 am

2/4 today …

I’m starting to realize my age. I can’t believe it myself, but I am. When I was younger, my goal was to be a web expert – expert in all things web. But I realize I’m not 25 anymore. The world is not my oyster, I’m actually passed my peak/prime. Within a few years I’ll likely be a father and my professional skill/rate of growth will decline as other priorities take my time. Hell, it’s already started to decline. But I’m starting to realize: I’m done.

And I look at some people I know, still with their dream of getting into this or doing that. But I think it’s too late for them. And it’s too late for me. And this isn’t me being a pessimist, this is me being a realist. Ironically, me from a couple years ago would likely have been an optimist, still thinking I could achieve my goal/dream. Another word would be…delusional.

And I know some of you are saying “You can’t lose hope, don’t give up on your dream”. And I agree that all is not lost until you give up, but at this point, if you’re not putting 100% into your dream, where you’re already behind – it’s time to face facts: you won’t catch up. Not to those 25 year olds with more natural talent than you have with your natural talent + 10+ years experience. Not unless you put in that 100% – which you should have been doing all along.

I’ve come to the point where I realize I cannot be a web expert. My back-end skill, while okay (maybe 3-4/10) will not grow if I don’t support it. And I’m not. Strategically speaking, I’d have a much higher chance of professional success if I stick to my already strong front-end and nurture and develop it further.

Not thoughts I would have had 4 years ago…but I’m 31 now. I mean, granted being a 31 year old first time manager isn’t bad – perhaps this is the direction my life should go (for the first time, I feel like I have a professional head start on others). But I think development will always come more natural to me. It’s hard to say at this point. Still, it would be easier to nurture a management skill and use that as the basis of my new professional career than to go back to front-end development. I’m not sure if I have a future in front-end development….or rather, I’m not sure how long my skill as a front-end developer will support my professional career. Within the next decade, I’d wager that I will not be that marketable. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not because of my time as a manager – I’ve learned enough front-end that I can continue my progression without doing it on a daily basis – I just don’t think there’s a market for a 40 year old front-end developer. I’ve never seen one at that age in all my years in the job…that’s gotta mean something right? That said, web was/is still in its infancy and where it will go is beyond me.

Enough realism. It’s bumming me out.

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