5phl showed me this post recently. I thought I’d share:

I discovered these common, self imposed restrictions are rather insidious, though they start out simple enough. We begin by worrying we aren’t good enough, smart enough or talented enough to get what we want, then we voluntarily live in this paralyzing mental framework, rather than confront our own role in this paralysis. Just the possibility of failing turns into a dutiful self-fulfilling prophecy. We begin to believe that these personal restrictions are, in fact, the fixed limitations of the world. We go on to live our lives, all the while wondering what we can change and how we can change it, and we calculate and re-calculate when we will be ready to do the thing’s we want to do. And we dream. If only. If only. One day. Some day.

Every once in a while — often when we least expect it — we encounter someone more courageous, someone who choose to strive for that which (to us) seemed unrealistically unattainable, even elusive. And we marvel. We swoon. We gape. Often , we are in awe. I think we look at these people as lucky, when in fact, luck has nothing to do with it. It is really about the strength of their imagination; it is about how they constructed the possibilities for their Life. In short, unlike me, they didn’t determine what was impossible before it was even possible.

[…]

If you imagine less, less will be what you undoubtedly deserve. Do what you love, and don’t stop until you get what you love. Work as hard as you can, imagine immensities, don’t compromise, and don’t waste time. Start now. Not 20 years from now, not two weeks from now. Now.

From: http://literaryjukebox.brainpickings.org/post/34546633423

I understand and have understood this paralysis. I still suffer from it. But I’m definitely not the person I used to be. I’m not the dreamer I once was, I believe I’m taking actual steps towards achieving goals. The last few years have been all about improving myself professionally (and professional-personally – that is, improving my dev skills for personal uses). I’m no longer just sitting around as time passes. I’ve been able to feel accomplishment(s). I’ve been blessed with encounters that have inspired and motivated me. And in turn, I feel like I’m doing my part to motivate others. It feels amazing to be a person that inspires others. And it drives me to do more. I want to continue that…

While this post inspired me, someone else I know read that and got depressed by it. I hadn’t even realized that it could be a post that would depress a person. But I suppose a person who’s watched their life pass them by wouldn’t be inspired. It would be a harsh look in the mirror. And I pray that in 10 years, a post such as this does not depress me. I hope that in 10 years, I’ll be able to smile and agree that my life hasn’t been wasted.

I’m burnt out socially. The last 1.5 years, I was incredibly social. Going out a lot. And I’m tired of it. I’m building up my anti-social shell again and to be honest, I’m not only comfortable with that, this is what I desire. Because I know I can be social again – if I want to be. But right now, I’m keepin on the down low. Because to be honest, I really wanna work on my projects. I really wanna work and accomplish something. And not have to “waste” time dealing with social events. Not that it’s a “waste of time”….but I feel I could better use my time. My priorities are different now: I just want to be alone and work. And accomplish things.

There’s one feeling I love more than anything else – being in a working groove and getting a lot done. (and I hate being bothered during this time). I get this feeling with development. And most recently, I’ve gotten this feeling with photography. Working on something for hours, having the time fly by. Taking little steps towards a medium goal. And then taking a bunch of medium goals and turning it into a large goal. That’s why, even when I come home from work exhausted, I can’t wait to do my own project. I think it’s a very special feeling that many people do not understand.

I keep having to decline invites to do social things. Because I want to work. I know people look at me and think it’s lame. Or anti-social. But to me, they just don’t understand. I feel it would time better spent working on my projects than being social. It’s what I’ve decided. As much fun as going out to a bar, drinking and talking is – it’s not really productive. Life is short and it sounds lame to want to work during it, rather than have fun. But this is how I feel. I don’t care if my life is fun. I want my life to be fulfilling.