Update: Outta the ER with some meds. Docs still aren’t 100% sure what’s wrong with me, the symptoms I have aren’t quite textbook, but seem to touch a bunch of things. Anyways, they have an assumption of what I have, which is an infection and I have some antibiotics for that. To be honest, maybe the best news I heard. As far as things to be wrong with me, that really is one of the best…provided it does no lasting damage. I was getting worried it might be kidney stone (what the Docs thought it might be) or abdominal cancer or something. Seems more unlikely at this point but it’s a possibility still I guess.

Whew, not a kidney stone. I would not be looking forward to that. The thought of it makes me squirm in pain.

You know, I had a post in my drafts for about a year. It’s titled “Warren goes to the hospital for nothing serious”. In it, I describe my first time going to the hospital, which turned out that I ate too many sour cream and onion chips at my parent’s party one night, my stomach hurt all saturday and sunday, until I went to the hospital, threw up, and felt better :S I was pretty young, early grade school or even before grade school. In 2nd grade, I had 6 stitches to the forehead for playing around and falling on the corner of a school door. I remember opening my eyes, my friends all staring at me, and blood, dripping down onto the ground from my head. I never saw the wound tho…which may have been a good thing.

I don’t recall going to the hospital again for myself since then. I’ve been there for something Z had for a while, I’ve been there to visit my Grandmother shortly before she passed away but to my recollection, I don’t remember the hospital that much. Which is a good thing. I really hate the hospital. All these people with stuff wrong with them. It may be partially that I’m a germophobe but I just feel….death and despair around a hospital. To me, it’s where bad stuff is happening. I mean, people are there to get better…but it means something is wrong in the first place. The place itself is fine, just the thought of going to the hospital…and visiting someone there. To be honest, I feel like Dexter in the way that, I don’t know how to act. I’m not sure to act sympathetic, or be light-hearted or…what. I can’t really do what comes naturally because….I don’t really…feel anything. It’s hard to describe, but as I’ve said before, I’m kinda dead inside or psychopathic in some ways, “abnormal lack of empathy” can often describe me.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. “Empathy. I lack it.”

Anyways, this post was just to combine to the “Warren goes to the hospital for nothing serious” post. It seems that I have, again, dodged the bullet with my health. While something is definitely wrong, it’s not terribly bad. It should be fully recoverable. Even now, I’m at pretty minimal pain. As I get older, I do notice more stuff wrong with me but so far, I’ve still felt relatively…invincible, a way of thinking when you’re younger.

Not to jinx myself though. Last night, I again prayed to the God I believe in when I’m really desperate for stuff, and whether he heard the call and did something or whether it’s coincidence or whether that’s just the world and fate/destiny doing what it was always going to do, I feel like….everything’s okay.

And no, I don’t believe in God. I feel that people who believe in religion or the unexplainable by science are weak minded. But hope is not a scientific thing and while I don’t believe in God, I do find it reassuring to pray to him when I’m really desperate. I don’t see how it can hurt. And even by doing so, I believe that it’s because of a moment of weakness on my part. And that’s perfectly fine. It was.

Anyways…my plan for the foreseeable future is to rest and not to do anything too active. So basically, live my life exactly as I’ve been living it my entire life -_-;

Also, I apologize for this post.

The last couple of days, I had this pimple of my forehead. I rarely have those at my age and my face is relatively smooth at this point. But this pimple was big and right in the middle of my forehead, like a third eye.

Like this guy
FYI – (Despero – DC villain)

I didn’t go to work yesterday but today, I didn’t want it to be noticed so I did my hair a little differently. I put a lot of the front down to cover my forehead and eyes.

Ironically, this hairstyle seemed to garner a lot of attention, attention from almost everyone at work that saw me -_-;

The irony is that I purposely changed my hair style to hide my forehead, but the style itself seemed to draw eyes towards my forehead. It’s quite possible that if I didn’t change my hair style at all, I would have had less people looking.

I dunno, I just found that amusing.

As you may/may not have noticed (over my twitter), something’s been wrong lately.

I had this sharp pain in my abdomen last friday for about 30s-1m….and it’s been generally uncomfortable since (almost a week now). It was getting better (the pain was more mild) but yesterday, I woke up and it was pretty bad. This prompted me to go see the one place I generally avoid at all costs if possible. The doctor.

DUN. DUN. DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

After seeing him, I was immediately told to get a walk-in Ultrasound from the hospital. So yesterday, right after going to the doctor, I went to the hospital. I hate that place even more than the doctor.

DUN. DUN. DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

Last night, the pain in my abdomen was so unbearable, I somehow fell asleep but ANY movement from me would cause pain to shoot into my brains, pew pew, and wake me up. Needless to say, it was very tough falling asleep. I woke up at 6:30am today too so I could go get an ultrasound at 8:00am (I couldn’t get it yesterday)….I’m sleepy >_< Anyways, I left work early today, the pain started from non-existent in the morning to terrible when I left, around 4:00pm. As I write this, it's pretty bad but I took two advils...hopefully it'll help. I think it's an infection or something, I dunno, it's worse at night than in the day. We'll see what the doctor says tomorrow. All I know is: 1) it's tough to concentrate 2) it's tough to focus on work, so lately I've been trying to work from home to keep up, as well as keep my mind off anything that's potentially really bad 3) it's tough to focus on anything, my mind is so occupied with...stuff lately. Kinda why I dislike the doctor: puts feelings on uneasy and stress and anxiety...but i understand its value: you get better. Still, I'd generally just like the problems to solve themselves if possible
4) there are no visible markings of damage anywhere, no bruise, no trauma, so it’s annoying. And internal, which is kinda scary. I dunno what’s goin on…
But my mind is still sharp, my body can almost do what it could before, but it hurts to walk and sit down….and I’m generally uncomfortable ALL THE TIME but it’s manageable. I tough it out in public, and cry like a little girl watching the Notebook at home.

Anyways, hoping these antibiotics the doctor gave me (without knowing what the problem is….) will do the trick. It’s only my second day taking them…so we’ll see. All I know is I’d gladly take an infection or inflammation over something…..worse.

Stupid body. In my head, I look like Batman but in reality, I look like The Blob.

“Life sucks balls sometimes. And then you die.” says the Pessimist in me.
But the Optimist Prime says “Autobots, Transform and Roll out!”.

I know that joke is reused but it makes me giggle.

in little girl voice “tee hee”