Warren Shea - World of Warren

Archive for the ‘Introspection’ Category

Catherine

Sunday, August 14th, 2011 at 3:08 am

I’ve been playing Catherine lately, during the wee hours of the night. Like, 2am-5am type playing. I can’t play too late because it’s fundamentally a puzzle game and, due to my need for perfection, I don’t play when my mind is sluggish. I need to be alert and sharp to achieve good times, make few mistakes, and keep getting that “gold” trophy for every stage.

What I’m really enjoying are the moral questions and dilemmas in here. It’s very much a role playing game and I’m definitely trying to be honest with my choices and what I/the character says. It’s very true to me, which is good. I’m very much looking forward to how this plays out. While there’s a lot to this character that doesn’t apply to me, there is quite a bit that does….universally applies to most men around my age and in my situation.

Something really interesting is that this game asks questions and tracks first-time responses to those questions (I guess they try to capture people’s honest opinions, because a person would generally pick honestly their first time around…and maybe lie in their second or third iterations).

Some of the questions, my answers, and the breakdown of everyone’s answers.

1. Is marriage the point where life begins or ends?
I answered: Begins
Others answered: Begins- 80-85% | Ends – 15%-20%

2. Do you put your job first as a priority in your life?
I answered: Yes
Others answered: Yes – 15-20% | No – 80%-85%

3. Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from excitement?
I answered: Yes
Others answered: Yes – 30% | No – 70%
*These are some personal questions here. I think it only happened to me once in my life. It was definitely within the last 5 years and I remember, when I got it, thinking “wtf? man, this is just like in those animes!! now I get it….” *

4. Do you consider yourself a pervert?
I answered: “No use denying it”
Others answered: “No use denying it” – 70% | “I don’t think so” – 30%
*Jeez, another personal question…not one I’d really like to share over the internet but…ah well. I think that this question is a bit biased based on the people playing this game…I figure many of them are like me. Guys. And…well…this is an “erotic action horror puzzle” game….so I figure the people playing it would be (key word is erotic).

5. Do you buy things according to trends/spend money on fads
I answered: No
Others answered: No – 70% | Yes – 30%

And that’s all I’ve gotten so far. I’m on the 4th night, and there are 8 nights…so I guess I’m 25-50% done. It only gets harder from here so I dunno. I’ll post the other ones when I encounter them.

The puzzles are tough….and really suspenseful. There are 2-3 levels per night and all of them except the last are fairly easy going. You have some time to practice skills….but the last one, you’re always being chased by some fucking messed up or creepy creature. Today, I was chased by this giant creepy undead zombie baby. Pacifier and all. It was not cute at all and I must say, was pretty fucked up. But that’s the game…I can’t wait to see what other scary or disturbing shit this game has got in store for me. Oh yeah, I get scared pretty easily….so I don’t like to play this game right before sleeping. That last level, I’m always close to dying, and always on the edge of my seat, thinking in all the critical moments. This game is pretty stupid hard, even on easy (which is what I’m playing it at…make fun if you want, but I’m mostly playing this for story….and I don’t wanna be frustrated on these stupid puzzles).

What I find best about this game is it’s making me think. It makes me think about life, my future, my job, my girlfriend, marriage, babies, and everything else that complicates things. Like, when I play it, I think “Frig, I don’t wanna think about this stuff”. It’s just like the character I’m playing, Vincent. But I’m learning that time doesn’t stand still, regardless of how much you might want it to. I’ve said time and time again that I love my life how it is now. I’ve definitely hit this phase where everything is great….I don’t really want to ruin it all with major adjustments to life. Not that I think marriage is one…but…kids….definitely. I’ve wanted kids my entire life up until the last year or so when I’ve just been thinking how much fun I’m having now, and how much I don’t want the responsibilities of a kid. I know I can’t be lazy ol’ sleep at 7am for 13 hours on weekends person anymore. But I loooooove that person :'(

Anyways, I think this game has helped me face difficult questions about my future. Where I would run and hide or avoid these types of questions in real life, you HAVE to face them in the game, so it really makes me think “what would I do?”….and because I’m controlling Vincent, I make him act out what I would do…and well, it feels better. It feels good to be decisive….

Anyways, that’s enough outta me. I think I need a break from Catherine, I played it for 3-4 hours today, and 2-3 hours last night. I’ll play it again next weekend :)

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Reliable to succeed. Passionate to excel.

Thursday, July 7th, 2011 at 1:44 am

I often contemplate what makes a strong individual in the workplace. I’ve always felt that introspection is important, especially in the workplace where you often won’t get criticism you need because people tend to withhold negative criticism to maintain professional/working relationships. While it’s difficult to judge myself objectively, experience in the workplace helps identify who is good to work with as well as who is bad and I want to make sure I’m on the right track towards becoming a high performing individual in the workplace; picking up good habits from professional individuals and avoiding bad habits from unprofessional/poor-performing individuals.

Without boasting or trying to sound arrogant, I believe I’m a strong employee. I’m not perfect and I’m aware of [most of] my own failings and shortcomings, but I would say that I’m one of the strongest performers out of my developer (and designer) co-workers. Now, I didn’t always think this. When I was inexperienced, I didn’t imagine that I did my job better than anyone else. But over the years, I have been recognized for my work, sometimes over others of whom I felt did a comparable job to me.

When I was a UWaterloo co-op student, I had received an “Outstanding” on 3 of my work terms (outstanding is the highest rating, above Excellent, Very Good, Satisfactory and Unsatisfactory). At the time, I honestly had no idea why. I definitely did a good job but Outstanding is an exceptional rating. I didn’t really believe I was exceptional at the time but as I’ve gained more experience, I have found that there’s something that makes me special.

Reliable to succeed. Passionate to excel.
This is my motto. These are the two attributes that I believe lead to success in the workplace based on the experiences I currently have. It may be incorrect, naive, and/or incomplete but this is what I believe.

When I look at any resume, I often see descriptive words that highlight an individual’s strengths. Enthusiastic. Leadership. Detail Minded. Takes Initiative. Ability to Multi-task. Organized. Team Player. Resourceful. etc. In my opinion, all of these attibutes are a means to an end. An end of getting the job done well. I believe that Reliability encompasses all of these (as necessary pertaining to the job). I’ve found that personality can be very important in job interviews; finding a person that can fit with the team. However, from my experience, no amount of “good personality” can save a person if they can’t get the job done. In the workplace, getting the work done is always the number one priority. A skilled professional with social shortcomings is more useful than the nicest person who is terrible at their job.

So I believe that part of what makes me special is my reliability. I believe that people enjoy working with me because I give them peace of mind. Because I didn’t let them down the first time I worked with them. And I didn’t let them down the second or third. And they’ve come to expect that I won’t ever let them down regardless of the project, timeline, or obstacle. They have faith in me, trust me and I haven’t given them any reason to feel otherwise. I will get work done and get it done well. It’s as simple as that. Reliable to succeed.

However, I believe that if you want to do very well, reliability won’t take you far enough. You can be good at your job but what happens when new challenges arise? What happens when you’re faced with something you’re not familiar or comfortable with. You could take it as it comes but you’ll no longer be as reliable. You won’t have the answers immediately, you will be playing catch up like everyone else. You need to be prepared for new challenges ahead of time. You need to know what will come to you at work before it gets to work. This is where the second part comes in: Passionate to excel.

While I’ve felt that there are cases where I’m not as passionate as others, I am definitely more passionate about this field than most. I work all day as a developer and then often go home and code. Or design. Or blog. Or read (development books). Or participate in social media. In the workplace, there are technologies I generally don’t get to use. PHP and jQuery are examples, because they are open source. But it’s important to know things that aren’t within the workplace because you never know when you might need a job or when something new will be introduced in the workplace. But when are you going to learn these things, that aren’t available in your workplace? And this is where the passion comes in. You have to use your personal time to learn. You have to sacrifice the time you’d use to relax, sleep, or go out, and just study. Or practice. And learn. But without passion, you will generally never do something like this regularly and when you need to do it, it will be too late.

In my eyes, this is what makes the difference between doing a job, and doing an outstanding job. It is the added, extra experience you can’t pick up on the job, the experience that takes practice and time and rewards you with knowledge and best practices. It is being resourceful, using experience to offer new solutions and out of the box thinking.

I also believe that passionate people help everyone excel. When I see someone using their time productively, it entices me to work. Just the same, when I passionately describe the work I’ve been doing off-hours, it [sometimes] makes others want to work. It’s the kind of environment that makes everyone better.

If you’re in the working environment, I would advise you to take a moment and think about the tough questions.

What are my strengths?
What are my weaknesses and how can I improve? [the latter being the more important part]
What do I want to excel at?
Who is strong around me and why
Who is weak around me and why but also, how can I avoid these traits [again, the latter being more important]

It’s not good enough to simply identify your faults. You need to address them, create action items and resolutions. Though odd, ask people what you can improve on. Ask them to be honest and they might. And honest feedback is always the most important.

In the workplace, I live by Reliable to succeed. Passionate to excel. but what’s your motto? Create one and strive to meet it.

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ME. ME. ME. (and Friendster.)

Thursday, May 12th, 2011 at 2:52 am

Another post written about me. By me. For me (not really).

In my random Googling of my name (which I do once in a while to see how I do on the Google Search Results), I came across my Friendster profile, last updated/viewed in 2004

http://profiles.friendster.com/1552125

It’s pretty hilarious because there are a couple of references to my single life as well as a testimonial (= Facebook’s wall) from Z before we started going out. Though it doesn’t sound like her at all :P

The most intriguing part of the wall was how I described myself 7-8 years ago, when I was 21ish?

2003/2004? (Age 21-22)		2011 (Age 29)
Occupation
student of waterloo		web developer
What I enjoy doing
anime, art, photoshop, web design, comics		Watching TV shows, cartoons, and anime. Web Development and design. Playing (often retro) video games. Reading manga, comics, and graphic novels. Art including digital (Photoshop) and traditional (line art). Writing blog posts, actively participating in social media.
Favorite Books
feather. kingdom come. eden’s trail.		Feather. Death Note Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases.
Favorite Music
jpop, pop, r&b		Pop. Jpop. Eurobeats (Initial D)
Favorite TV Shows
friends. smallville.		Breaking Bad. How I Met Your Mother. House. Big Bang Theory. Dexter. Smallville. Friends.
Favorite Anime
initial d. hikaru no go. naruto. gundam seed destiny.		Initial D. Hikaru No Go. Naruto. Gundam Seed. Get Backers.
About Me
simple life. complicated thoughts. predictable. but stupidly impulsive. always thinking. but actually thoughtless. aimless. but pointed in the right direction. deep talks. about trivial things. no debates. or politics. or sports. friendly. but an ass sometimes. sensitive. if i care. emotionless. when i don’t. childish. but mature. motivated. when interested. lazy. all other times. hate. being disappointed. love. the people in my life.		simple life. complicated thoughts. predictable. but stupidly impulsive. always thinking. but actually thoughtless. aimless. but pointed in the right direction. deep talks. about trivial things. no debates. or politics. or sports. friendly. but an ass sometimes. sensitive. if i care. emotionless. when i don’t. childish. but mature. motivated. when interested. lazy. all other times. hate. being disappointed. love. the important people in my life.

It’s crazy just how…little I’ve changed superficially. My tastes are the same, my favorites are still the same (guess I haven’t found many new things to top my old things). This is 7-8 years ago, 1/4 of my life. I’m fairly sure things changed dramatically between the ages of 0 and 7 and between 7 and 14. I would even say that between 14 and 21, things changed dramatically as well. But apparently between 21 and 28…I’ve been…relatively the same. Did my superficial growth get stunted? Did my emotional growth get stunted? I don’t know…it’s always interesting to see blasts from the past. It’s not a bad thing that I haven’t changed…or is it? Maybe it’s me realizing who I am and who I want to be in this crazy ol’ world. I don’t know, I’ll think about this one a bit more…

Side Note: I can’t believe I wrote Gundam Seed Destiny on that list from 2003-2004! It was good for a while, but overall that series blew chunks. Also, I wonder if I should be putting Death Note on my current anime list. As an anime, it wasn’t as good as the rest (though better than Naruto as there was no filler). As a manga, it’d definitely be on there…but I don’t have a manga section.

Side, unrelated note: Google imaging “in: warrenshea.com” provides some interesting results. It’s cool seeing all these images, from my site, on one page…I will check this again in the future.

Anyways, time to sleep I have a busy day tomorrow (and in the following days). Fortunately, I get to wake up at 9:30am :)

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House S04E15 and House S04E16….(and Life & Death).

Monday, May 9th, 2011 at 11:30 pm

I haven’t watched House in about a week. Despite watching episodes constantly lately, starting from the beginning and powering through the seasons, I stopped at S04E14. Why? I knew S04E15 and S04E16 would be great…and I wanted to give them more than usual attention. I didn’t want to watch it while I was tired, or grumpy…I remember those 2 episodes being good…so while I couldn’t wait to watch them, I wouldn’t watch them under ideal circumstances.

Now, House is the kinda show that…is ridiculously episodic. As someone who hates episodic shows, I care less about the disease per episode and more about the characters. The episodes that interest me are character driven, not plot driven. And generally, except in rare cases, only the season finales are that strong. With the exception of a Foreman double parter in Season 2…and maybe one of the House/Cuddy episodes from this season, they’re all mostly plot driven.

To be honest, I don’t know which category House S04E15 falls under. But I can stay, after re-watching this episode, that this is by far my favorite episode of the entire series thus far. I put it on expecting to watch it, but not expecting to give it my full attention (I was supposed to blog while watching it)…but I couldn’t turn away. I was just captivated by it all. Even knowing the mystery behind the episode, I still couldn’t look away.

So while I’ll put the S04E15 episode as my favorite episode of House, I’ll also say that, in my opinion, S04E16 was definitely the saddest. I remember tearing up, possibly even crying when I saw it the first time. This time, I also couldn’t stop tearing up…but I didn’t have tears. I would have to say, it’s probably because Z was with me, watching it as well. I can see that if I were watching this alone, or late at night when I sometimes hit an emotional euphoria and/or emotional dysphoria, I can see myself balling. As I’m watching this show, I’m thinking that Wilson’s the nicest guy ever. And I’m thinking…he’s watching someone he loves, die right before his eyes…because of some random act of chance. He’s too nice to put real and inaccurate blame on someone (ie. House). Sometimes, life is just…unfair.

And I’m sitting here….watching him deal with this, wondering how I would react in his place. What if someone I loved were dying…what if I had to say “goodbye”. It’s something we don’t face everyday but it’s something we’re likely to face eventually. When I was younger, I used to contemplate my own death. Who would come to my funeral? What would be said about me? But at my current age (god I’m old :/), I contemplate the death of my loved ones. What am I going to say at my mother, or father’s funeral? Will I do them justice? How can I express the feeling of pride, how thankful I am, all the things I just can’t seem to say on a daily basis. Do I even know them well enough to speak for them? As I get older, and my acquaintances (co-workers) get older, I’m forced to see their family members pass away. I write my condolences on a card for them and while I know it means nothing, it also means everything…if that makes any sense. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a morbid kinda guy….the concept of death…intrigues me probably more than anything. While I’ve had my grandmother pass away, I wasn’t very close to her. I’ve had repeated hamsters pass away and while I’m sad, I find myself “over it” relatively quickly. Such is life, after all. But…eventually, my parents are going to go (before me). Or, by some freak accident, someone I’m close to. Or, by some simple careless mistake, I could die randomly. I don’t know what it feels like to experience a great loss. Maybe that’s why I’m trying to put myself in Wilson’s shoes…to try to feel what I might feel, never having had experience it. Or maybe I’m trying to prepare myself for the inevitable feeling of grief and loss and the bottomless void created that will never fully heal. Or maybe a bit of both. Hmm, as I wrote that, it’s quite possible that I’m putting far too much emphasis on death and not enough emphasis on life. Really, it doesn’t matter what happens when someone dies….but it matters how they lived.

Anyways, I didn’t intend to get all….deep, dark, and intense….that was an interesting side rant, despite the fact that I’ve quite possibly repeated it earlier, in previous blog posts. It’s so hard to tell nowadays. My posts feel so episodic, nothing memorable at all. Oh well, I always have new readers to read old content….

Anyways, on to what I was supposed to be blogging about….

Posted in All Posts, Daily Randomness, Insightful Reads, Introspection, My Life, TV Shows & Movies | No Comments »

Meganekko (Girls with Glasses)

Tuesday, April 26th, 2011 at 3:14 am

There was a post a couple days ago on Kotaku: What’s Japan Fetishizing This Week – Glasses

While I found much of the article to be a bore, I found one of the last paragraphs to be particularly interesting.

In Japan, Akiman points out, it’s thought that the reason people wear glasses is because they read too much or play too many video games or watch too much TV. According to Akiman, “The moment that someone puts on glasses, even if it’s Superman, they take on the appearance of being an introvert like me.” The reason why girls who wear glasses are appealing is that they thus appear to be introverts, and it’s easy for fellow introverts to relate to them. As Akiman says, girls with glasses become “one of us”. Thus, the glasses themselves become an object of fetish. “Japanese people are basically introverted,” says Akiman, “and I think that’s why this fetish has grown.”

I’m going to reference this monologue later as well, so I’ll post it here. It’s from the Seinfeld episode, “The Sponge”:

“I have a friend, wears eyeglasses, no prescription in the glasses because he thinks it makes him look more intelligent. Now why? Why do we think that glasses makes us look more intelligent? Is it from the endless hours of reading and studying and researching that this person supposedly blew out their eyeballs, and that’s why they need the glasses? It’s just a corrective device. If you see someone with a hearing aid, you don’t think, ‘Oh, they must have been listening real good…yeah, to a lot of important stuff…’ No, they are deaf. They can’t hear.”

Now, I can honestly say from much experience that I’m the type of person that likes a pair of stylish glasses on an attractive girl moreso than that same girl without the glasses. But it definitely has to be the right kind of glasses. I’m not talking nerd glasses that they have to wear. I’m talking about a girl, trying on various frames to find the right look for her. To find the one that screams “her”. The frames that visually define her personality. Now, I figure most women (and men) do this. Those that don’t do this don’t care about their appearance. And if they don’t care, why should I (or anyone?).

Anyways, what really caught my attention in the blockquote above was “introvert”. Being an introvert myself, I find I’m highly attracted to introvert girls. I’m intrigued by introvert men as well (well, not in that way). The reason is…there’s a connection there. Extroverts frankly…don’t interest me so much. I find they’re generally…free in ways that I’m not, they talk without thinking and do without thinking. And I don’t generally respect that. I’m a person that respects the mind and intelligence more than almost any other attribute. That’s not to say I only value that, but it’s always been very high on my respect list. A person will have my respect if they’re intelligent. It’s as simple as that. I will be nice, I will be patient, I will treat a person like a human being if they’re reasonably intelligent. And I won’t if they’re not. Yes, it’s horrible, but it’s true. That’s just how I am.

Damn, I always get sidetracked with tangent rants. Back to the topic: I like glasses on a female because I immediately think 2 things
1. They’re intelligent.
2. They’re introverts.

2 wins. 2 things that I’m just drawn to. But really, what’s the basis for the first point. Like the Seinfeld monologue (quoted above), is there a correlation between glasses an intelligence? Sometimes?….but that might just be coincidence. There’s also genetics involved, plus a number of other things I would list to sound like I know what I’m talking about but at 3AM, am too lazy to research tonight.

Now, I wore my prescriptionless glasses to work today. I did it on purpose, partially because of this post and the kotaku post and partially because…well, I like the way I look in them. It’s funny but one of the first things that someone said to me (who hadn’t seen me wear my prescriptionless glasses before) was that “I look smarter”. Despite possibly no correlation between glasses and intelligence, you can’t deny the fact that people associate the two together.

I didn’t really think about all this glasses stuff until the Kotaku article peaked my interest. This hasn’t been the first time I’ve worn my prescriptionless glasses for no apparent reason. I won’t even wear my prescription glasses in public because the lenses are so thick…I’m simply too vain for that. So I wear these glasses for 3 reasons.
1. I believe I look more intelligent and people believe I look more intelligent. A trait that’s important to me.
2. I believe I look good in them.
The newly discovered #3 is:
3. I want to look introverted and attract other introverts.

I mean…if I’m attracted to people with glasses (meaning I believe they’re introverts), then by wearing glasses, it’s possible that I’ll attract other introverts…? Well, I don’t quite know how that theory plays out in a girl head though. Are introverted women attracted to introverted or extroverted men? The mind of a woman is something I’ll never understand. Y’know, because b!tches be trippin’

I’ve said it before (in my Scott Pilgrim post for example) but I’m basically attracted to a female version of myself. But I definitely believe that a person like myself would not be the best person FOR me. Because there are so many aspects about myself that I hate, the insecurity, the antisocial behaviour, the arrogance, the narcissism…dealing with someone with similar traits, on a daily and frequent basis would get super annoying. Being arrogant and talking to an arrogant person is one of the most frustrating and annoying things ever. And two narcissistic people in a relationship just…wouldn’t work. I’m a taker, not a giver…so I need a giver to balance the relationship out. “You don’t always get what you want but sometimes you get what you need”. I don’t even know if that quote applies to my paragraph, I’m so insanely tired….but I’ve been rewatching all the House episodes (currently near the end of Season 3) and that just popped into my head.

Damn, another tangent rant. Anyways, I’m basically that girl I described above, the one who cares about how they look and is trying to identify the right image to define me. I’m the guy with <insert descriptive word> hair. I wear untucked dress shirts and sneakers. I don’t care about my clothes but I care about my image. And I wear non-prescription glasses to compliment my image and convey the exact same things that I find attractive: Intelligence and an Introverted personality. Granted, I don’t wear these glasses as often as I could…partially because it doesn’t make logical sense to wear them and partially because, for some reason, I always feel like I have an oily forehead when I wear glasses :S It’s weird. Probably psychological. But true. Don’t ask me.

And this all brings me to this image, which is featured on my About Me page

I posted this image a while ago, when I got my prescriptionless glasses I think. Before I thought about the glasses thing and introvert thing. Before I thought about WHY I like wearing glasses.

Why didn’t I post an image without glasses, the look I have 95% of the time I go out?

No, I posted the image that conveyed the things I like and respect. I posted the image that I felt defined me best.

Posted in All Posts, Daily Randomness, Introspection, Life, Love, Love, Miscellaneous, My Life, Past | No Comments »