I’m starting to use the term “Useless people” more often as one of my new friends, of whom I’ve been frequently having deep talks with, often cries out “I HATE USELESS PEOPLE”.

I think her definition of a useless person is different than mine though. She claims that a useless person is a dependent person. Unable to think or make decisions on his/her own, unable to live life without a boyfriend/girlfriend. Basically, someone that can’t take care of him/herself.

I believe my definition of “Useless people” are those who do not contribute anything to society. Or, in an even more personal way: those who do not contribute anything to me. And by that, I mean those who could have no way of benefiting me in any way.

That’s not meant to sound selfish. To go with my last post, I think that you need to cut people off that are detrimental to you. As far as a useless person is concerned, they’re just….more of an existence that doesn’t affect you. They are people who’s existence doesn’t seem to matter in any universal sense. That’s not to say that this is true, but I mean…it’s true as far as you’re concerned.

I’d shudder to believe that there’s a single person on this planet that doesn’t have some type of significance to other people in the world. That there’s a single person without a friend, or someone of who they can talk to and even be relied on. No, I don’t believe a normal person like that exists. But they’re just useless….TO YOU. And that’s fine. I’m fairly certain I’m quite useless to some people around me….(probably though, because I’m such a jerk that I’d knowingly be useless to them :D). But honestly speaking, if I were to cease my existence, there are some people that know me, may even be my friend (on Facebook), but my passing would not have any significance to them. And that’s okay. Realistic even.

Anyways…there’s no point to this. I just wanted to talk about the term as I used it in my last post, and I’ve been thinking about it lately.

On a side note/rant: when I was younger, I was stuck in the car with my brother, driving from Ottawa to Toronto. I was in high school and had obviously done something to displease him, though the reason escapes me. Anyways, he spent much of the drive angrily calling my “useless”. “You’re useless” he would yell, and then discuss why it was true. It was one of the longest rides of my life, I remember both my anger, helplessness, sadly my feeling of defeat for believing he was actually right (I was younger at the time, my self worth wasn’t what it is now), and my frustration for not saying anything back, just holding it in and taking the verbal abuse. It’s one of my worst memories of my entire life and one, if not the, reason I still no longer maintain a good relationship with my brother. Though he’s likely forgotten, I’m not one to forgive and forget so easily. It’s one of the main reasons that I declined being his best man for his wedding (yes, i know….who does that? it’s so mean/sad…). But at the time, I could not and would not see myself giving a speech, saying good things about him on his wedding day to his friends and family. No, I couldn’t lie to everyone. It’s not a decision I regret as, like I said, I still cannot forgive this moment. There’s was actually a recent time in which he also yelled at me, in my own condo no less. Some things never change it seems…

Hah, going back to “Cutting him off”, yes. I did that as much as a brother could. No, I don’t hate him. I don’t wish him harm or anything, but he’s not someone I would choose to have in my life. If we weren’t related, he wouldn’t be my friend. I tolerate his presence, even more so because of his two kids (my niece and nephew) but I don’t enjoy it. I cannot/will not spend time alone with him. And he’s no longer welcome in my condo alone, despite not knowing this and often wanting to ‘crash’ (which leads to me lying and saying he can’t, or we’re out of town or something).

Anyways, sorry to get intense, personal, and emotional. The term “useless” has always been a word that brings back bad memories and feeling. I don’t think there’s any word out there that makes me recall such anger as that word. Fortunately, I don’t hear it too often. Except my friend, who seems to use it often, but in a somewhat comical tone…

Anyways, two blog posts. I was alone with my thoughts for a good 11 hours today. I walked around for at least 2 or 3 hours. And I drove around for about 2 hours. Lots of time to reflect on the past, the people around me, the mistakes I’ve made, the potential futures I may have, the people I wish were still in my life.

I even looked up at the stars for a good 5 minutes, thinking about the light I was seeing and how it was finally reaching me after so long. As in, I probably wasn’t alive when the light was created. Actually, my knowledge of speed of light and light years (which is a distance, not a time) is limited at best so I’m not sure if that statement is true. But I was thinking just how…insignificant all my problems were in the grand scheme of the universe. But then, in contrast, how important all my problems were in the grand scheme of my life. I guess it’s all relative. (That’s my double entendre pun, as I discuss the relativity between the universe and my life…in the same paragraph that I discuss the speed of light). I didn’t say it was a good pun. It’s not even ‘ha ha’ funny >_<