Being alone with my thoughts for almost 3 hours today made me realize just how much more I want to say/write….really, the only thing necessary for my blog posts is some time alone with my thoughts. Coming up with topics while driving is ridiculously easy. Remembering those same topics by the time I get back to my computer is the tricky part.

I really need to stop…making new posts while I have so many unfinished (but mostly written) posts in my drafts…I should really finish those off before writing new posts…I have like, 15 atm O_O

I tend to resist blogging after I’ve made a meaningful post. Like my last post, I wanted to leave for a few days so that I could get more comments or feedback…but again, self control isn’t my strength and the 3 hour drive I had made me very excited to write.

This weekend

1. My mind was in productive mode…but Zena was here. And when she’s around, it’s so easy to fall out of productive mode. It’s like there’s a fire under my ass to get sh!t done when I’m alone. And then when she’s around, that fire is just a nice warmth…that puts me to sleep.

2. Zena was playing WoW and I remembered the pull and urge I got from WoW. I was interested but not enough to even think about re-logging in. Seriously though, when she comes back and she’s done school and fully into WoW…will I be able to keep away? Can a smoker stop smoking if everyday, someone’s blowing smoke in his face? Can an alcoholic stop drinking if the alcohol is constantly being dangled in front of him? These answers all point to “no”…but will I be able to defy the addiction? I would say time will tell…but no….as I write this, I’ll cancel my account/uninstall it from my comp, at least before Zena gets back. WoW is/was probably the biggest mistake of my entire life. But more about that later *hint* it’s a future blog post…

That’s it for now. Right now I don’t feel like I’ll stop blogging…but then again, I’m also fickle. The gemini part of me makes me feel completely different on different days…or in this case, completely different a few hours later…

Few things regarding this blog:

1. I still want to write but the reason I started blogging is no longer applicable. I’ve completed what I needed to complete with it. This means…I’m going to chill a little on this blog. I’m already slowing down (and that’s a good thing).

2. Thanks to my readers. I count 11 of you that consistently read -voluntarily-. This does not include people whom I tell/force to read my blog (Ron & Chris, you don’t count as my readers…cuz ur jerkfaces…)

3. There were quite a few rants that I’ve accumulated in my head throughout my LIFETIME. And a lot of them have already been written…for example:
“I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do”
Hi. I’m Warren. I’m a web developer.
Life. As seen through the eyes of Warren.
The internet is bad.
“People always leave.”
I’ve only got a couple of -meaningful- blog posts that I have in my head left. This means that either I reduce my number of posts or maintain my meaningless posts…the idiocy ones or the ones written on the fly. So, I’m going to ask you, the readers, do you just like reading whatever? Short posts of all the little things I notice? Or do you prefer posts that are long, more thought out, and…possibly more interesting?

And why don’t I just do what I want? I don’t really know what I want…As I said, the reason I started blogging no longer applies. I want to find new purpose, new motivation. If I don’t have a reason…I’ll revert back to old, lazy Warren. I’m looking for feedback, I’m looking for guidance…

I started blogging a month ago today (okay, I’m 2 days early, I was too impatient to wait). A month of blogging. It might seem like longer (at least to me) because I’ve got such an abnormally high volume of posts. I started out very strong, doing as much as 3-4 posts per day. I quickly began to love writing. Now, a month later and I’ve been pretty much posting a blog a day. I have been slowing down which is probably a good thing. I still write a lot everyday, many of my posts unfinished and going into the Drafts folder to be continued later. I do slightly worry about not being able to come up with posts interesting enough that my readers will continue to return. I have really sh!tty, poorly thought out, random posts sometimes (see last few days). I like those because that’s how I feel when I write them but that stuff won’t be enough to sustain a long time reader. My readers will get bored. Which brings me to my next point.

Originally, I said that I was doing this blogging thing for me but I’d like to think that I’m doing this for my readers as well. That you might look at something differently or understand me better. As a relatively shy and quiet person (at least compared to my friends), I find that I tend to observe social situations and interactions rather than be involved in them. As such, I assume that I probably know my friends slightly better than they know me. I feel that with this, my friends can learn about me if they choose to. That we might have something in common that wouldn’t come up in a regular conversation and that the next time we meet, it will be more comfortable and more of an interaction rather than an awkward silence.

Of the few blogs I follow, I’ve discovered many things about said blogger that I would never have discovered through other means. I feel closer to them even if they don’t feel the same. I believe that this one-sided familiarity leads to comfort and with that, a deeper friendship. I know some of my readers have learned more about me in this last month than they have in the few years they’ve known me. Even if I don’t know about them in return, I’m sure that the next time we meet, things will be a little less awkward and a little more friendly :) Well, that’s what I hope at least!

While I’ve stated that writing has never been a goal of mine, I am slowly looking up grammar issues, things that have confounded me for years that I just never learned because I was too lazy or didn’t care. It’s slow but I do feel better about myself and my writing the more I learn. I still don’t know how my content flows from the reader perspective. When I read other blogs, I feel dwarfed in comparison in their structure and flow. I’m impressed at how they write, the creative and knowledgeable use of the English language, and feel that I don’t measure up to any of it/them. I want to get better and become an equal to them but have little motivation for it. I would feel so much more productive if I were getting better at say, asp.NET than writing. Still, it’s insanely frustrating using the same words to describe things or not being able to find the words to accurately convey my thoughts. I’ve run into this problem so many times already.

Anyways, I think I’ll get back to this hockey game that’s been muted for 2 periods while I wrote. GO CANADA! â–ˆ ♥ â–ˆ

I have not been capitalizing, re-reading, editing, etc. This is not something I want to pursue going forward. It not only makes it more difficult for you, the reader, to read but it also makes my content less relevant. If I don’t care, why should you? I’ve corrected most of my previous posts. Bad habits should not be encouraged any further.

*slaps own hand with own hand*

SELF FIVE. Yeah, you know it.