Was telling this story to my co-workers earlier today. Thought I’d share.

When I was in high school, probably around grade 10, I went to fly alone to visit my brother in Calgary. At the time, my calf muscle would occasionally cramp up if I would do a lot of walking/running (I think it occurs if your calf muscle doesn’t get enough oxygen). It’s pretty painful – but you can save yourself the pain if you’re quick to react and point your toes towards you/heel away from you. Pointing the toes away from you/heel towards you will cause excruciating pain if your muscle starts to cramp; it’s one of the most painful things I’ve physically experienced. Sometimes it would cramp up while I was sleeping. Waking up to that pain is not fun.

So anyways, I’m in Grade 10ish and I go through the metal detector in the airport. I put my wallet in the little basket so that it doesn’t go through. And I forget to pick it up. I go all the way to the plane and board it. Sitting in the plane, about 2 minutes in, I realize I’ve forgotten my wallet. I quickly make the decision: go get my wallet and possibly risk missing my flight or travel without my wallet. The latter’s not really an option (you need your wallet!). So I ultimately decide to tell the stewardess I have to run back and get my wallet at the metal detector and to please wait for me. It’s a pretty good distance away.

I figure I have about 10 minutes to do this before the plane is set to take off.

I basically sprint for a straight 4 minutes to the metal detector to get my wallet and sprint for 4-5 minutes back, just making it. Sprinting for 9 minutes like your life depended on it is no easy feat. And I’m heaving for air, super hot and sweaty upon returning to my seat, wallet in hand.

I’m sitting in the seat resting when one of my calf muscles cramps. I’m not quick to react and the excruciating pain ensues. A second after the first calf muscle cramps, my second calf muscle cramps. I’m basically sitting in this plane with two cramping calf muscles. And because I’m all hot – my nose starts to bleed.

So now, I’ve got two cramping calf muscles and a bleeding nose – and I basically can’t move my legs to go anywhere (like the washroom) so I’m stuck holding my head up to stop the bleeding and sitting there thinking ‘omg, This CANNOT be happening to me’. Physically, probably the most FML moment I’ve ever had.

It took about 15 minutes of sitting there with my head tilted for the pain to go away in my legs, for me to cool down and stop sweating bullets, and for my nose to stop bleeding. It was a rough 15 minutes…..

Looking back on it, it’s pretty funny :P (At least my co-workers thought so).

Hopefully that’s the worst flying story I ever have.