The Rules of Kill-Fuck-Marry:
When given a choice of three names, the players must decide who they would prefer to kill, fuck or marry.
For example this round of K-F-M, we’ll go with Cameron Diaz, Angelina Jolie, Lindsey Lohan
Player: I’ll marry Cameron because she’s funny, fuck Angelina because she’d be crazy in bed, and kill Lindsey because she sucks at life.
K-F-M? Team 8 (Kurenai): Shino, Kiba, Hinata
Kill – Shino – Um. BUGS. EVERYWHERE. Freaking disgusting. You would not want to Marry (or Fuck) this guy.
Marry – Kiba/Hinata – If you’re a dog person, Kiba’s the man for you. If you’re not, Kiba’s probably got no other admirable/marriage worthy attributes. Also, he smells like dog. Hinata’d be the girl you want. Cute, sweet, shy, smart, and also strong. Hinata wins this one…
Fuck – Kiba/Hinata – Again, Kiba and Hinata are kinda opposites. Kiba seems like he might be aggressive in bed, and I’m sure he’s got doggy style mastered (sorry, couldn’t resist). Hinata on the other hand would probably be kinda docile…which may/may not be a bad thing depending on what you’re into. Still, I’d give the edge to Kiba for this one. Even if he does still smell like dog.
K-F-M? Team 10 (Asuma) : Choji, Shikamaru, Ino
Fuck – Choji – He can wilfully grow any part of his body to any size. ANY. PART. ANY. SIZE. O____O
Kill – Shikamaru – Definitely not marriage material. “What a drag”, he’d be saying or thinking that every time he has to do the dishes. Or mow the lawn. Or rake the leaves. Or shovel the snow. Or ANYTHING. What a drag it is being with a complainer like Shikamaru. And unfortunately, he doesn’t beat Choji in the Fuck category. Sorry Shikamaru. Your laziness and mediocrity have made you the best choice to die.
Marry – Ino – She’s probably got that flower shop business down so she’ll provide a stable income. She’s also pretty and reasonably intelligent. WIN.
K-F-M? Team Gai: Rock Lee, Neji, Tenten
Fuck – Neji’s got some pretty awesome powers of touch. With a mastery of the fingers, I’m sure he could do some pretty unique and interesting things with them. He’s kind of a jerk though, you wouldn’t want to marry him. But he’s also kinda cool, so you don’t wanna kill him…on the other hand…
Kill – …Rock Lee is like, not cool at all. An embarrassing husband and scary drunk. He’d be the guy to go.
Marry – Tenten – Not the jerk Neji is. Not embarrassing like Rock Lee is. She wins by default for being pretty, nice, and normal. What more could you ask for?
K-F-M? Sand Siblings: Gaara, Kankuro, Temari
Fuck – Gaara – Um. SAND. EVERYWHERE. While you would not want to Marry or Fuck this guy cuz there’d be sand everyone, a worse guy to fuck would be…
Kill – …Kankuro, the creepy doll guy. *shudder* Don’t wanna know what he’s into…
Marry – Temari – Strong and smart. She’d be a good wife.
K-F-M? Team Kakashi: Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke
Kill – Sakura / Sasuke – This is tough cuz yeah, Sakura is super annoying so by default, she clearly takes this role. But Sasuke’s got a lotta hate (and years of therapy baggage) and as gifted as he is a ninja, he’s also incredibly stupid and easily misguided. Sigh, I guess the edge still goes out to Sakura though. Sasuke’s still kinda cool and Sakura’s basically ALWAYS annoying.
Fuck – Sakura / Sasuke / Naruto – this one’s close. Sakura’s the typical beauty: pink hair, green eyes. But she’s annoying and stupid. I don’t know if I could respect myself, fucking her. Sasuke’s really cool. Seems like he’d be a bit aggressive in bed. So maybe if you’re into that sorta thing…? And Naruto can do a Kage Bushin…if you’re into that sorta thing :P Still, if Sakura wins the Kill category, I think Sasuke wins the Fuck category.
Marry – Naruto – Cuz you wouldn’t be marrying the obnoxious Sakura. And Sasuke doesn’t seem like he’d be a great husband. Y’know, being quite the ass and not really caring for anyone. Naruto’d be the guy to take care of you. Even tho you’d facepalm his Sexy no Jutsu.
K-F-M? Team 3rd Hokage: Orochimaru, Tsunade, Jiraiya
Fuck – This one’s a bit tricky. Tsunade seems like the obvious choice. A pretty young blonde with an enormous chest. Seems like a fun time. BUT. THEN you find out she’s really an old woman. ZOMG HORRIFYINGLY DECEIVED. Then there’s Orochimaru. “Is that a snake in your pants, or are you just happy to see me? ….oh, it IS a snake….erm….”. And then there’s Jiraiya. He’s spent a lotta time perving on women and he writes dirty little books. He’s probably had his share of experience tho, I think he’d be the way to go.
Marry – A wife that loses all your money due to her gambling problem (and when she does win, you know something really bad is going to happen). LOSE LOSE. OR a creepy she-male guy that would sooner do experiments on you than be any kinds of nice. I’ll have to go with Tsunade. I’d rather be poor than, y’know, be an experiment.
Kill – Was there ever any doubt? This guy is ultra creepy.
Changing the rules up a bit for solo characters:
K-F-M? 4th Hokage, Minato Namikaze
Kill – YOU CAN’T KILL MINATO (y’know, again).
Fuck – They don’t call him Konoha’s Yellow Flash for nothing.
Marry – Nice. Handsome. Intelligence. Powerful. I see no downsides.
Final Verdict – Marry – Of all the Naruto characters, he’d be the best guy to marry :) Soooo dreamy!
K-F-M? Kakashi
Marry – He’s always late and pretty unreliable. He tries to protect those he loves and considers comrades…but his track record is pretty bad. As awesome as he is, I don’t feel quite safe with this guy.
Fuck – He’s probably got some good make out techniques after reading so many of Jiraya’s books. But he always covers his face. What’s under that cover?! What’re you hiding Kakashi!? I dunno, seems really suspicious. Don’t really know what he’s got under there but I assume it’s covered for a reason.
Kill – Despite being kind of a dope, he can still be pretty cool. I don’t think you’d wanna kill Kakashi.
Final Verdict – Fuck – I guess I’d still take my chances that Kakashi looks pretty good, despite that mouth cover. He’s also got a scar over his eye. (actually, he’s probably got a lot of scars…). Chicks dig scars.
K-F-M? Itachi
Marry – Committed parricide (killing one’s mother or father), and genocide (killing the entire Uchiha clan) for….um…peace?. Obviously, he doesn’t quite value “loved ones” very much. I’d watch out for this one…
Kill – Committed genocide.
Fuck – Committed genocide.
Final Verdict – Kill – He’s got too much blood on his hands to be around. He may have done it with good intentions, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Also, he committed genocide. You know who also wanted to do that? Hitler.
K-F-M? Sai
Kill/Fuck/Marry – He’s a male with a belly button window.
Final Verdict – Kill – He’s a MALE with a BELLY BUTTON WINDOW. *shudder*
Hope you’ve enjoyed that :) It was fun to make.
Also thought about doing it for Young Justice or Prince of Tennis characters or something…
