Went to see an ENT today. That’s an Ear Nose Throat specialist. Otorhinolaryngology is what they call it. I don’t even know how to pronounce it.
Had an issue with my ear a month ago. The reason I had to go to the ER. On a scale of 1-10, the issue is a 3. Meaning there’s nothing much worth doing. When I went to the ER, it probably escalated to an 8…but those times are rare, most times it’s a 3.
I also wanted to talk to the ENT about my tonsils. He said they’re slightly larger than normal but as they’ve never been infected, there’s not much reason for a Tonsillectomy. I think removing my tonsils may help some breathing issues I occasionally have, as well as help my snoring. On a scale of 1-10, the issue is…a 2. Meaning there’s nothing much worth doing.
You know what I have? I bunch of minor issues where nothing is worth doing anything. I live my life in mild discomfort for various reasons. But…realistically, if that’s the worst it gets in my life, I’ll consider myself pretty lucky.
Almost everyone in my life that I can think of has had surgery, or some cancer, or been in a bad car accident, or had something wrong with them that they were in the hospital for week+.
I’ve never had any of that stuff…I get sick a lot recently (cold/flu), had pneumonia…went to the ER for 2 hours…nothing ever really bad, like the above. I wonder if that’s luck…or if life’s got a wazoo of a challenge for me in my later years. I fear the day something really bad happens. I figure you can only go through so many bad things in your life…statistically. And I think I’m about due. That scares me.
What does the future hold for one who is no longer young and healthy? I’m not ready to leave the world of the young and healthy. I’m mentally far too young – I still think I’m basically invincible – a mentality that is for a younger me.
You know what I realized? When you’re younger, you think you’re invincible. You drive fast, you take risks….because you know that if you die, while others are sad, your life is basically just you. You’re not tied to anything. If I were to have gotten in a life-threatening situation, I might be inclined to give up, given how dire the situation were (I’m fairly weak willed in survival mentality, you can tell). But when you’re older…and you’ve gotten more ties – your girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband, you need to stay alive…for them. And that gives you a much higher will to survive. And if you have kids, you have even more reason – and will/fight – to live.
I was just thinking about how “I didn’t really care if I died” (don’t misconstrue this as a desire for suicide) when I was younger. But I’m not like that anymore – I follow the rules a lot better. I love to drive fast but I know it’s not safe (well, I always knew it wasn’t safe) but I didn’t have much to lose before. But it’s not like that anymore. It’s not about how much I have to lose if I die. It’s how much my significant other and/or future kids lose if I die. And that gives me a whole new reason to live.
Where does inner strength come from? I don’t believe it comes from within. Ironically, I believe inner strength comes from without.
/too much philosophy and introspection