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Warren Shea

/rut

Tuesday, May 14th, 2013 at 2:21 am

It’s 1:45 am and I should be sleeping but I feel like blogging. A tired body but a racing mind likely still result in laying in bed with anxiety. So I’ll perform a little catharsis to ease my mind and relax.

I have a wedding to go to this weekend for/with my Waterloo friends. Haven’t seen many of them in 6 or 7 years now. What will we talk about? Last time I met with some of them, I told them I was a developer, and one of them replied with “you still dev!?”. Apparently I do. But my friends….they don’t really anymore. And haven’t for a while. They’re project managers or some kind of managers. Most of them. I don’t think there are too many people in the trenches anymore at my age. At least, not of my friends. A couple of my high school friends are also managers as of this year. It’s really got me thinking….I might need to make a career decision soon. (this wedding has been the reason why i wrote my last 2 posts – the truth is that i don’t want to tell them i still develop….i want to tell them i’m…being someone important…like a manager or something).

I’ve been playing a bit of WoW this week. One of my co-workers plays and she’s pretty into it. And she got another of my co-workers to sign back on…and then, Z and I signed back on. I’ve been in kinda a rut lately. Contemplating my Secret Project KB. Watching old Simpsons, kinda watching Veronica Mars and the original 1960s Star Trek. Also kinda watching Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice (Z’s been watching it all). Man, they’re such GIRL SHOWS. I mean, I watched Gilmore Girls and that’s a girl show. But didn’t mind it and ended up liking it. But these female doctors shows are like, SO girl. More irrational and odd. “Like, let’s just bottle up all our thoughts and not communicate with [person you like] and then at the end of the episode, burst it all out into one big rant that ends up with the person you’re originally so angry at kissing you.” That’s your the dream scenario, isn’t it!? You crazy b!tches….

</end crazy rant>

Anyways, back to my rut….so basically, one of my old rivals released his new site today. And damn, it’s good. And I’m so envious and jealous at the same time. I’d like to meet him again soon so we can discuss all the cool things he’s done. He said he’d like to pick my brain too. Pick my brain he says? He says that like we’re equals…but he’ll always be a rival out of my reach. Especially if I waste time playing WoW again and stuck in my rut.

I need to get out of it again. I need motivation. I need a rival…or rival(s). I don’t feel I have any anymore and that makes me sad and lost. I think I improve pretty quick but I improve quicker with competition. Cuz I like to win and dominate. Not a good personality trait but I’ll try to focus it in a way that’s useful…

I need to finish my incomplete book (The Design of Everyday Things). I need to finish Veronica Mars and Simpsons and my secret project KB. I always work hard – and then don’t. And I take longer than necessary breaks until I need to work hard again. I don’t like that I’m built that way. Why can’t I always work hard. I want to, I really do. As always, I lack discipline….

One of my co-workers was a game…model…designer. But he couldn’t find a job so he went into web development. One of my other co-workers was is/was a game developer. But he couldn’t find a job so he went into web development. Both of them have great skill in their previous field but due to the difficulty of getting employed, had to work in a field with more demand, less supply. Even though I’m better than them at web, they’re likely both stronger developers than I. It bothers me….I never feel good enough. Or sometimes, I feel too great. Or sometimes I just wanna be great at everything, but fall short of that because well, it’s unrealistic. But I cannot seem to accept that failure. I always want to be great at everything…and I waste time by being great at nothing….and then kick myself for not being great and everything. So I try hard to be great at everything…ah the cycle.

(I know, the solution is to not be great at everything, but great at some things….that’s a very real and achievable goal….but goes again my personality).

Okay, I’m done.

Off to bedz. Thanks for reading :)

I don’t know anything about mobile development…

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013 at 2:22 pm

(which isn’t true but it’s a play off my last post).

Another avenue open to me is mobile development. I could do it, if I wanted to. I’ve been considering that too, as I’d get to continue develop, using current techniques as well (because the browsers would be all mobile/tablet friendly, none of this IE8 crap). I still don’t want to leave the development game…it makes me sad and hurts a little inside when I think about not developing anymore.

Anyways, just thinking about stuffz….

I’m at a bit of a crossroad in my professional life. I think it’s time to move on to something new and I have to figure out what I want to do. I mean, I kinda wanna just stay where I am…but I think I’ll regret that decision later. It’s important to grow and learn and do things you’re not used to. It’s like everything in your professional life has led to today. And that’s true every day. So what are you working towards?

I don’t know anything about being a manager…

Tuesday, May 7th, 2013 at 12:34 pm

…which is good, cuz I’m not one. (yet?).

I’ve been considering things I would change within the team/department if I were a manager. You can’t keep things the same as is…you have to leave your mark. A new manager is there because things aren’t working/need improvement.

I think my biggest difficulty being a manager would be trying to improve poor performance. It’s unfortunate, but a lot of people think they do a good job but everyone else knows they don’t. So how do you break through their glass of misconception and help them become self-aware? I think that would be my toughest challenge. I’m a blunt person and I generally lack empathy. So it would be difficult to convey such a message if a person does not take it or criticism well. I think that to be a manager, you need a significant understand of the psychology of an individual – that is, you need to know how they work, what makes this happy/angry/sad and most importantly – how to achieve the best results from them. Do they thrive on competition? Do they have a lot of pride? Do they get upset easily? How do they take criticism…all that needs to be considered…and each person is different.

I’m wondering if I should start reading book/learning or anything…for possible future use. If I’m ever put in a managerial role, I’d need to play catch up. So learning now would alleviate that issue…

Been heavily considering dropping my secret project KB

Sunday, April 28th, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Pros to doing it / keeping the project going

  • It will be nice to finally complete another project
  • I have an excuse to keep buying the statues lol – I have all the ones that have been released at the moment, I take quite a bit of pride in that (some of them where tough to get/expensive)

Cons to continuing

  • If I finished, despite being proud of my work, I can’t really show it off due to the nature of the content and humanity’s judgement – I don’t really want to associate my name to it which is why, even now, I refer to it as Secret Project KB. Yes, other people’s opinions of me mean that much
  • Only 1/2 done photography, and it takes so much time…I’ll be working on this project another 5 months before it’s “caught up” and I have to go from “development” to “maintenance”
  • Was hoping to get free statues eventually once the site was done but doubt I can gain the necessary social/reputable aspect to get them from the parent/manufacturing company
  • Already learned as much as I can for the project development wise
  • Not happy with all the photography, want to go back and correct some rotators – but that will take more time
  • Already learned as much as I can for the project photography wise – and also, I’m sure once I learn more about photography, I won’t like the photos I’ve done
  • I want to move on to another project, one I can put on my resume or do/learn something new. Would also like to work with someone on a project, or get some money from a project.
  • Time consuming to maintain the site and social aspect of the site by myself – most sites like this have teams
  • The site is supposed to be a person’s “ONLY RESOURCE NEEDED FOR SAID TOPIC” but I can’t go to any of the cons (conventions) where they release the information first hand. I only get my information from other sources making the whole idea fundamentally flawed
  • Not happy with the design I came up with. Frustrated with it, just want to throw it away and start something anew

That said, I think a couple pros can be derived from my cons if I kept going:

  • Work with the design until I get it right. Rather than give up, keep working on it until I’m happy and it’s good. That will provide the most satisfaction.
  • Would still be proud of myself for completing the task. I’ve said this before about me:
    “I’ve left a wake of unfinished projects throughout my life.”
    and I’d like it if this weren’t one of them – but I only like the project as much as I can benefit from it and this one is slowly losing its appeal

I’ve been flip-flopping with the idea of quitting. One day, I quit. The next, I decide not to. Can’t seem to make up my conflicting mind. Must be the gemini in me.

Looking for input. Please give me your thoughts!

‘MURRICA + credit cards

Sunday, April 28th, 2013 at 6:47 pm

‘MURRICA’s an interesting place. I know I only went to Buffalo/Niagara Falls, NY but it’s interesting. It’s significantly cheaper there, compared to Canada. I guess people are poorer so things need to be more affordable. Which means Canada is more expensive because, comparably, we have a “surplus” of income? Screw you….all retailers! Taking advantage of us cuz you can (but I know that’s life…)

When I was walking around shopping, I heard a group of teenagers say “Yo, which one of you has the best credit rating? Cuz I can give you my cash and blah blah…”. I thought the statement/question was interesting. I’d never heard it before. I’ve never been with people who ask about credit ratings, esp teens.

I’m not sure if it’s the canadian, or the asian in me, but credit was always something that was never really a problem. We purchase things with our credit cards but pay them off ASAP. We only do things like pay the minimum payment consistently when we’re in a tight situation (for example, the term right after school, and before I had started full time working, I spent 2-3 months paying off my growing credit card debt). Even that behaviour of mine was poor, but I gather I only did something so reckless because I knew I was going to be working full time and that I could pay it back. But the nature of always paying things off immediately is something I was raised with. It also makes logical sense. People are even surprised when I say I have an $1X,000 limit. “Why so high? That’s bad.” Well, it’s only bad if I ever used that much. But I’m always paying off my credit card immediately so I never have more than a $1000 credit card debt, despite my limit.

But a lot of people aren’t like that. They have multiple credit cards and buy buy by and pay off the minimum payment. That’s how they live. They don’t look at a TV and ask: can I afford it? They look at it and say: I want it, can I afford paying the minimum amount per month to have it? So they end up buying things, increasing their credit card debt without paying it off and their money goes into their interest payback, not principal payback. They’re baller for a bit, makin it rain…but only temporarily. In the long run, it’s hurting them. Credit cards are like, a huge “devilish” thing! They prey on the weak minded and illogical. On the poor. Not cool.

It’s weird, the US has a lot of things that lead to more monetary success than Canada: lower taxes, cheaper things. If used properly, you can gain an advantage in life. Assuming you never get into any health related issues – I don’t envy the US’ lack of healthcare compared to Canada. In Canada, if you get randomly screwed by life (by that, I mean – you get a disease or get in an accident), healthcare will hook you up. And that’s what you’ve been paying taxes for your whole life. In the US, if you get screwed, you’re SCREWED cuz healthcare is so $$. I mean, in theory, they should be saving more money than us given the lower taxes and cheaper things. But it’s hard to save. For anyone. You have “spare money”, you spend it frivolously. It’s like they’re set up for success, but given the pitfalls of humanity, it’s easier to fail. Which is what the majority of them do I guess?

I don’t envy being raised in the US. Every time I go to the US, I see a difference in obesity. The men and women are, in general, heavier than Canada. I find they’re more rude and reckless. It may have only been buffalo, but it’s more run-down. Abandoned/closed property. Oddly placed traffic lights, compared to Canada (seriously, having the traffic lights in the middle of the road makes it harder to see, and not being able to see the perpendicular driver’s set of lights makes it harder to read and anticipate things).

So all in all – we pay for healthcare and our taxes are higher. But I think it helps when life screws you. If you never get screwed in life, then perhaps you’ve lost out a bit on average money wise. But that’s also a good thing (cuz you never got screwed in the first place). So I wouldn’t say that’s really a bad thing….

Also – guns and violence. Personally, if I were in MURRICA, I’d be holding a gun too cuz everyone’s got one. For defence. I think that place is scarier. Canada’s so nice and peaceful :)

Anyways, just wanted to talk about the noticeable cultural difference from Buffalo to here in Toronto. I’m obviously totally biased, having lived in Canada my entire life and not travelled like, anywhere else. But I love it here. I think it’s boring for some but I’d take safe and boring, especially for future generations, over anything else any day.