We all have a finite amount of time. It seems infinite, but it’s not.

I live my life very much on the idea that I don’t want to waste time doing something I don’t want to do. I have a strong dissatisfaction whenever I’m forced to go to unnecessary meetings or gatherings.

It selfish but…

my life is the only life I have. It’s not my parent’s life, it’s not my girlfriend’s life, it’s not my friend’s life, it’s not my children’s life. While I hope that there’s a mutual/shared path or goal with these people, sometimes there isn’t. In this life that I have, I’m only looking out for me and my happiness.

Why would I want to waste my time doing something that I don’t enjoy or has no value to me, by choice?

I’ve been efficient this whole year, doing things for me, towards my goals…and I’ve never been happier, doing these things. I’ve never been more proud of what I’ve accomplished and the person I’m figuring myself out to be.

Can’t I sacrifice a little time once in a while to do something I don’t want to do the benefits others?

If I answer yes, then I’m human.

If I answer no, then I don’t deserve anyone else in my life. And maybe I don’t. I’m the most selfish person I know…I’d be a monster to everyone that truly knows me. Only I truly understand myself…no one else seems to come close…I should be alone. It’s in my nature to be alone. I look at myself, how I think and how I should think. How I want to act and how I should act. I’m terribly off. I have little compassion, sympathy, empathy. I’m selfish and arrogant.

Why does a wretched soul like mine exist?

To exist for me. And no one else.

And that would make me happy. Which is all I want and enough reason to continue this sad, wretched little life of mine.

/too much death note?

EDIT: I’m just not like everyone else. I know why I should try to be, how it will benefit my professional life. But how does it benefit my personal life, when I just want to be me? I shouldn’t be with anyone. Not with a regular person, because I’m so selfish. Not with a selfish person, cuz we’d both be selfish. I should just be alone, because that’s the life that I’ve been born to lead. Why fight it? If fighting it only makes me unhappy…