I’ve had a number of realizations today.

I am only motivated in life when I’m unhappy or there’s something to strive/work for. And I’m not talking about general learning here and there, I’m talking about being motivated enough to sacrifice something fun to do something productive.

6 Years ago, this was the status of my life long goals:
1. Finding a profession/career that I enjoy over one I don’t – TO DO
2. Finding a girlfriend/wife who understands me and accepts me for who I am – TO DO
3. Being financially well off enough that I can do what I want, when I want – TO DO

6 Years ago, I was in school. I hadn’t been going out with Zena yet. I hadn’t started playing World of Warcraft.

6 Years ago, I was
1. More social with friends, going out, etc.
2. Ambitious – I was eager to learn
3. Thinner and more healthy. Well, I was still unhealthy but my metabolism was better so I wasn’t the fatty I am today.

Now, within 2 years of this older Warren (so within 6-4 years ago)…I started playing Warcraft. Suddenly I was slightly less social. My learning/productive time was also divided due to Warcraft. Then, I started going out with Zena. At this point, I did a disappearing act on my friends…I tried my best to NOT do the disappearing act, since I had been single my whole life and didn’t want to abandon my boyz (or as we used to call it “The Single Man’s Club”….@ least we laughed @ ourselves…) Anyways, I tried not to disappear but Zena was the person whom I’d started spending most of my time with. It took a while but Zena combined with Warcraft resulted in a new, anti-social Warren. Also, as a result of Zena, I literally let myself go (Note: I’m not blaming her btw, it’s just what happened…I don’t have anyone to blame but myself). We had been going out to eat frequently. Too frequently…and…well, honestly, being physically attractive became less important for me. Also, around this time, I also got a full time job. At this point, I was still eager to learn, eager to start my life in the work place. I was a rising star…I didn’t get Outstanding 3/6 times for nothing, I really did an awesome job….

This was 4 years ago. I had achieved all my lifelong goals and dreams. 4 Years ago. And with that, came happiness. And with happiness came a content life. And with that, came laziness. 2 weeks ago, I thought it was great that I had achieved all my life long goals. Clint praised me and I thought to myself “Yeah, I’m doing great for being so young! I’m legend-waitforit-dary). But I realize now that achieving your goals is a curse, not a blessing…

And the reason is….recently, 2 of my lifelong dreams/goals have been put into question:
1. Finding a profession/career that I enjoy over one I don’t
3. Being financially well off enough that I can do what I want, when I want
(I know some of you -Jeff/Anson- laughed when I called Zena a paperweight but she’s like, the most stable thing in my life…it fits…unfortunately for her :P)

So yeah…with 2 goals in question, I realize how…unhappy I am right now. And with that, how motivated I am to get my life back on track to fulfill these goals…

A bit of a side note…but ultimately related to the topic of goals…
Regarding being physically unfit…because of my way of thinking, that “if I were to die at any time, I’d be content with my life”…I live my life doing what I want, when I want. And eating what I want, when I want. I figure people generally stay physically fit to a) attract the opposite sex and b) live a long life. Since neither of these were goals for me, that didn’t matter. But…I’ve decided that if I’m going to improve myself, I’m going to need to set more goals for myself. Real goals, not that TO DO sh!t on the right –>. I don’t care so much about attracting the opposite sex. But…do I want to live a long life? I originally thought that it didn’t matter. But after talking with Zena, I realized…I do want to see something. I want to see my grandchildren. I unconditionally love my nephew and niece so much right now and I love the happiness they bring to my parents lives, as well as my own. I love children, I love to look at them, play with them. They’re so pure, so innocent, so happy. They’re wide-eyed, curious about everything. They don’t have any stress, they eat and sleep all day. Just like Dwarf Hamsters. And I’m very jealous. Now, I know (well, I’m fairly certain) I’ll live to see my kids and watch them grow up. But I’d really like to see my grandchildren…I’m not sure if “Live long enough to play with grandchildren” should be a life long goal, but I’ll make it an unofficial one…and try to work that goal into my everyday life.

I want to get back to Warren from 6 years ago. The social Warren, the ambitious Warren. Now that I’ve dropped Warcraft again, I’m getting a bit of both back already. Now that I’m unhappy with some aspects of my life, I’m motivated to improve myself.

The summary is that being content with life is a curse. When you have all your goals, you get lazy, sloppy, careless. And any of them can be taken away at any time. And if they are, your lazy, sloppy, careless attitude will put you so behind that when you try to regain your goals, it’s going to be extra hard. So the key is to always stay on your toes…working extra hard leads to burnout. Being far behind means you have to catch up. But if your life has balance….with a little extra hard work, you’ll be okay.

Now, I’m going to catch up. And when I do, I’ll try to never fall behind again.