On my walk to work today, I got caught looking at someone and then tried to play it off by looking away. Except that I wasn’t looking at someone, I was looking at a cute little dog. It turned it’s head and it’s eyes met mine…and I looked away. -_-;
I guess I instinctively didn’t want the dog to catch me looking at it. And then I realized how absurd that is
I’m absolutely frustrated and angry with myself.
If there were ever a thing as Developer’s Block, I’ve got it tonight. It’s unfortunate, I did so well developing yesterday.
To summarize, I had a great idea for a tool around 5:30pm last night. I decided to stay at work and entertain the idea and completed some really awesome development during my 4 hours working on the project. I left the project satisfied with what I’d done, content with my accomplishment. I made a bad mistake of showing my work to my “client” today. While I got a lot of praise and kudos and the satisfaction that what I built as an idea was definitely on the right track, it also opened the requirements up on my project. As I spent the rest of the afternoon wishing I hadn’t shown anyone what I had done, I was also contemplating how to tackle various problems with my primitive technical options.
I came home with certain ideas on how to conquer these problems, I tried various methods, techniques to solve the problems. I have a very strong mindset that “everything is possible” to build. Optimistic eh? But everything is not possible without using standard technologies…Anything is possible with a server-side language and a database but in my scenario, I need to do things with only HTML and JavaScript. I tried to think of any and all possible solutions but unfortunately came up short. I couldn’t solve the problems that plagued me tonight.
And that’s why I’m frustrated. As for why I’m angry with myself…I’m not sure if the problems I’m dealing with are impossible given the tools at my disposal or if I’m not thinking clearly, but I stupidly wasted a lot of time pursuing different options I thought might work only to do a lot of development and fail. I then thought about the problem and my proposed solution and realized it never would have worked in the first place. What was I thinking? Wasting so much time on something because I didn’t think or plan it out thoroughly? Foolish and impulsive. Or possibly desperate.
The tool I built had such high hopes and possibilities but because of my tools, I can’t do what I want and what it should be capable of. It’s so frustrating being limited in this way. I know that if I had access to the things I should: a database and server-side code, I could do my task easily. To spend so much time doing creative workarounds…only to fail…I’m just so frustrated with everything.
I need to take a breather, I’ll stop for tonight with this unsettled feeling. Maybe tomorrow, my mind will be clear, fresh, and I’ll be able to solve the problems that confounded me all night.
Shows / Movies
Re-watch Initial D (anime) – Done
Re-watch Dark Angel AND Finish Reading 1 novel (290~ pages) (show/novel) – Season 1 of Dark Angel Rewatched.
To begin Season 2.
Novel: 32/272 pages
warrenshea.com
Make a Review template for my reviews on shows/movies/anime/manga as well as one for restaurants/food – To start
Gaming
Finish Zelda: Ocarina of Time – To start
Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES) – Unplanned accomplishment
Web Development and Design
Finish my ASP.NET 3.5 book – To start
Start my HTML5 book – To start
Learn JavaScipt Framework Dojo – Attempted to do an accordion and realized how stupidly complicated this library is. I pray I never have to learn it, it’s friggin GARBAGE.
Other
Don’t shave until the end of November (for Movember) – halfway done
Chef Gordon Ramsay was at Indigo today in the Manulife Centre (Bay and Bloor) in Toronto for a signing of his new book, Gordon Ramsay’s World Kitchen.
Finally, we made it to the front. The drill was no posing, just candid shots. The indigo guy took two. They’re both terrible.
When venturing into uncharted territory, you try to choose the right path. You use your logic, reasoning, and past experiences to make a decision that, based on everything you know, should be right.
And then you get to the dead-end of the maze and the Mouser eats you.
Look how scared that mouse is!
I started this blog in January and I didn’t know what I was doing.
I was (and still am) just writing randomly about anything. Look at the categories (on the right), they’re all over the place!
Sometimes I wish I could start over. Do it right from the beginning. Start flawless and carry that through everything I do. Perfection.
But what would I do differently?
I would write about interesting stuff.
I would use an engaging title for my posts that makes readers WANT to read the post.
I would gather my thoughts and provide clear, concise paragraphs.
I would proof-read my work.
I would stress quality over quantity.
What if I started like that now?
Well, first I would need something specific to write about.
Web Design? Nah, not my strength.
Web Development? I’m not up-to-date to write anything. Anything I write would have questionable reliability.
Comics? I haven’t collected them consistently in over 5 years
Anime? I don’t watch new stuff too frequently
Manga? I don’t read new stuff or even manga in general too frequently
Games? I’m not a real gamer. I mostly just replay old games…not much to write about when you play side scrollers, puzzle, and fighting games
Photography? I’m still learning, I don’t know anything yet
World of Warcraft? I quit that game
Toys? I only buy specific toys…and it seems like it’d be expensive topic to write about
I can’t even get past the first step! Okay, the optimist will say I should pick something, maybe the thing that interests me most, and go with it. The thing again is that I don’t want to write about any one thing. My target audience is someone like me. Well, it is me.
Now you might be thinking “Who says you’re doing anything wrong?”
Multiple sites on “How to blog” tell you basic 101 things that I don’t follow.
I dunno, I’m just trying to…figure it out. I’m not happy with this blog. I’m not happy with the content I write about. But I enjoy writing. I guess I just wish that I had readers that enjoyed my writing as well or the things I write about. It’s just that with a blog like this, I really feel like I’m not accomplishing anything. I can’t really say “I made this” and show it off with pride as it’s not something I’m proud of. I’m proud of the site itself, that I got off my ass to do something. But this blog isn’t an accomplishment, it’s just something that…provides an outlet to an over-thinking mind.
/needs direction. much like this blog, i’m all over the place. this blog really is me in blog form.