I’m not referring to singing voice here. I’m finding as I grow older that I’m more confident in my voice. By that, I mean I have more confidence in voicing my concerns, my opinions, my advice, my knowledge.
I don’t think I ever had trouble voicing things I knew. I remember in Grade 4 going up to the blackboard to teach division, having learnt it well before we learned it in elementary school.
In early high school, I had tutored math. I was really shy at it…at first. But I was always strong at the teaching math part, just not the talking to students about non-math. I believe Kumon + my high school friends/life were the 2 most influential aspects to coming out of my shell.
But I can’t say I was ever really comfortable with my opinions until recently. I’ve lead a somewhat sheltered life. I don’t think I was ever one of the cool kids…even if my friends were the cool kids. I was probably the weird one of them most of the time. Even with my co-workers, I’m probably the weird one. Hm. Eccentric, not weird. Eccentric. Anyways, I haven’t done a lot of things in my life when everyone else did them…I had bubble tea for the first time well after (months after) it was popular. I didn’t go clubbing until late first (?) or second year of uni whereas most other people went as soon as they entered college/university. When my friends started drinking, I tried but didn’t like it cuz it tended to put me to sleep and give me headaches. (Obviously, I’m very different now…10 years too late). My first, and only *real* relationship was started when I was 22, later than most (but not as late as some). While most of my friends have traveled many places, I’m still not one to travel. Unfortunately (for Z), I don’t know if that will ever change. The only thing I like about travelling is staying in a hotel (I feel so special!).
Anyways, I’m just…late to things. And with that, comes the lack of knowledge to accurately voice my opinion on things. Also the fact that I don’t know squat about religion, politics, world news, (and many more things).
Still, over time I’ve been able to gradually learn and catch up to a point that I feel confident in giving myself a voice. Work has helped a lot. I know that as little as 5 years ago, I had peer evaluations that say I was shy and that I needed to speak up more often, because I had good ideas but was afraid to express them. Truer words have never been spoken. I can’t say that this comment applies to me now though. I think the combination of work and doing well at work, as well as being in a relationship which gave me more confidence in life, as well as talking to women (yes, seriously…i used to be very very bad at it…) helped a lot.
But I think what really helped solidify my voice has been this blog.
It’s a wonderful feeling being able to express myself through the written word, in which I’ve been historically poor at, and being not only praised, but connecting with other individuals. To write about anything and everything about life, and having that occasional post touch someone. I’ve had co-workers occasionally, or even regularly read my blog. I’ve occasionally sent posts to co-workers to inspire them (and successfully done so). I mean, I write a lot of stuff. Most of it crap or updates about life or whatever. But sometimes I’ll write something that applies not only to myself, but to other people. To give them something to think about that they may not have. It’s just great to be able to write about everything…and have someone randomly say something about my writing. That they like reading my blog. Or that they like my writing style. I don’t know where my faults are (other than lack of proof reading and many grammatical errors) but I know I grow with everything I write. I’m able to organize and express my thoughts better and more clearly.
I know I haven’t blogged as much about anything real lately, before this month. It was a dry spell on this blog and to be honest, I didn’t seem to really care. Even now, I feel I’m slowly losing motivation to keep this blog up to date. But that doesn’t mean I want to stop now, or ever.
It’s never a bad thing to keep a journal, or just to have an emotional outlet. These blog posts aren’t deep talks but they can be pretty close sometimes.
Okay, time to sleep.
Thanks for reading everyone. I hope my writing has helped motivate you, given you a smile, and even helped you grow, just as it has helped me. I started blogging almost 2 years ago (1 year, 10 months) and it’s been a wild journey. I never knew I would have so much fun writing and sharing my thoughts with others.
