It was grade 5 or 6…and I was collecting money for Jump Rope for Heart. I went around my neighbourhood collecting money. I had raised about $60 from strangers for this good cause. And…well, I kept it. Again, I was young and stupid…money was hard to come by at that age and I didn’t have any real sense of a dollar. For me, having like, $10 was awesome. There was so much you could do and buy with that. Having $60 was…well, that opportunity wouldn’t come around again for a long time. Not to justify or rationalize it now but that IS what I was thinking back then. It made sense…and I didn’t really feel bad about it. Back then. It was selfish and maybe even then, I had a lack of empathy, I didn’t really feel bad for the people I stole from. I mean, they didn’t know…they felt good for donating.
I knew it was stealing back then but I did rationalize it. But it was blatant stealing. Stealing from strangers and depriving a good cause of money and support. As an adult, anytime people are raising money for things…well, specifically Jump Rope for Heart, I’m reminded of this young, stupid child I used to be. I’ve had a lifetime of guilt over what I did…when people are raising money for Jump Rope for Heart, I generally donate more than I usually would. I know I’ve donated well over that $60 I stole but I still feel guilty. I doubt this guilt will ever go away. Throwing money at the problem doesn’t seem to work…a guilty conscience is/was not worth the $60.
