Warren Shea - World of Warren

Addictions: Old & New

Thursday, April 15th, 2010 at 12:23 am

Old Addictions
I have an addictive personality. Obviously. I can only recall a couple of things I’ve been addicted to recently though I’m sure there are tons if I think a little harder…which I don’t feel like doing.

1. FarmVille – I started playing FarmVille despite telling my co-workers that I shouldn’t. I resisted longer than everyone but eventually caved. And then I went crazy with it. I did the math on the crops with an excel sheet…found out the best exp. per dollar per time per space. I caught up and surpassed everyone I knew. Really fast. That was my goal. And then I quit. At least I went out with some AWESOMENESS:

2. World of Warcraft – I played this for years but recently quit. I won’t go into the reason why I quit. While I had a goal (10 80s, one for each class) that I reached a couple of months before quitting, I still had other goals that will remain unfinished forever. I’d like to say quitting was difficult because it was an addiction…but it was surprisingly easy. One day…it just didn’t matter to me at all anymore.

New Addictions
With these two old addictions out of my life…I’ve started a few new addictions. Slightly more productive than the last 2.

1. Twitter
2. Blogging/warrenshea.com
3. Google Analytics

RE: 1 & 2 – The first 2 are obvious…given the number of tweets I post, as well as the number of blog posts.

RE: 3 – With my new site, I’ve recently began to love looking at Google Analytics. It’s quite interesting to see what Browser/OS is being used to view my site, how many hits I’m getting, what resolution people are using, where the clicks are coming from (with map overlay). I can’t tell where specific clicks come from, Google blocks that level of detail…it only says what city they’re from…so my Toronto # is huge…and I have some readers in Waterloo, Montreal (?) and London (?). I have no idea who these people are -_-; Kinda creepy. Post a comment so I know!

Phasing out Addictions & Distractions
1. Gmail – I have Gmail open all day. I check it hundreds of times a day. I don’t think it’s healthy. I’m going to try to limit my Gmail use to a couple of times a day…
2. MSN – not sure what I want to do with this…I don’t really like getting messages when I’m working on my site, which I’ve been doing a lot lately. I like being in the zone, being left alone, just me + music/show + warrenshea.com + PS + DW. I might start going off MSN when I start working…just finding it slightly annoying these last few weeks. Even when people message me, my replies are pretty cold anyways…like I don’t have time for them. And I don’t. It might be better socially if I’m just not there so I don’t reply with rudeness.

Side Note of Creepy
Tried logging in to Facebook and it seems someone’s been trying to get into my account…someone from the US (Saint Paul, Minnesota). Never had this happen before…I’d assume it’s because I’m a much stronger online presence now? Maybe my email’s “out there”. Or maybe it’s just coincidence…Anyways, I’m on to you !

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New Self-imposed Blogging Rule

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010 at 6:51 pm

No posting blog posts til the day after I write it.

I think that last post was TMI. I shouldn’t talk about my OCD……Agree/Disagree?
I hope no one read it…but I doubt that.

And if I discard my last post about not blogging until Friday, does that self-imposed rule still exist?

…I guess not.

Posted in All Posts, Blogging, OCD, Writing | No Comments »

I don’t like going outside….

Monday, April 12th, 2010 at 7:45 pm

5 days a week, I brush my teeth, shower, get dressed, do my hair, put in my contacts and I leave for work. The whole process takes at least 30 minutes. Usually it takes much longer, I check my email, check twitter, check the weather, check my blog, do a few minutes of casual surfing…and just chill for a bit.

I go outside…because I have to go outside, to go to work.

On my weekends, I rarely want to go out. Almost never. The weekend is MY time. And by personal choice, I don’t like to leave my condo.

There are only a few reasons that will make me go out:
1) My high school friends are getting together for whatever.
2) I haven’t gone out with Zena so many nights/weekends that I start to feel guilty about it, then go out with her. This temporarily solves my problems and guilt….

Yes. Those are only reasons I would go out by choice. If I ever have to run errands, I do so after work. Grocery shopping? After work. If I have to go somewhere after work by driving, I go straight to the car. As soon as I set foot in my condo, I don’t want to leave. There are so many times when I go home and plan to go back out…but I don’t. Once I’m at home, I don’t want to leave.

I had some vacation days recently and I didn’t leave my condo for over 72 hours. And I was fine with that.

I get ready for work 5 days of the week. For me, it’s like going out. I do everything the same. It’s such a pain in the ass…hair takes me the most amount of time, 5-10 minutes…10-15 if it doesn’t come out right. It’s such a pain to do it that I hate doing it when I don’t have to. But…I won’t go out if it’s not done…my hair is at a length that if I don’t do it, it’s not presentable enough (again, I’m pretty vain when it comes to my hair). What’s the point of getting ready to go out…only to come back an hour or 2 later….BAH. And I know the answer… “uhhh…to go out?! to do something” but….for me, there’s nothing out there that interests me. I don’t like seeing this or going to that. Just like traveling, I just don’t care.

I like to spend my time playing my games, developing, or watching my shows. I like being entertained with a good story, something the emotionally touches me or something that makes me think. The only thing that’s out there that I want to be a part of is hanging out with my high school friends. When we get together, I laugh like I’ve never laughed before. Everybody’s got their circle of friends and I love mine. The nights when I have the most fun I’ve ever had are with my high school friends.

I know that not wanting to leave my home is odd, antisocial, etc. It’s not that I can’t do it, it’s that I don’t like to. Work time is work time, I get paid for it, I better be there. But the weekend is my time and I’ll use it how I want to use it, fuck everything and everyone else. I do whatever the hell I want to do…and when I’m not doing the things I want to spend my time with, I’m not happy.

It’s the same reason why I hate going out to dinners/get togethers with family. It’s invading my personal time…I see people that I’m not particularly close with by choice. We make small talk and it’s an okay time. But I wouldn’t call it fun, there’s nothing that I really enjoy or want from the gatherings. I don’t go out of my way to see my family…unless my nephew and niece are there because I want to see/play with them. I’ve always been pretty independent. I don’t initiate a call or email my family ever. I don’t initiate an MSN conversation with anyone except Zena. I can be by myself for days and days and be okay with it. I enjoy it.

I never thought about this until just now, as I write this, but a lot of this might be attributed to social anxiety disorder….

Ahhhh…seriously, I’m not socially stunted or a social retard. I’m fine at work, I’m fine with strangers…I’m friendly and people are generally and easily comfortable around me (as I’ve been told a number of times). My aura is generally friendly, laid back…

I dunno, this post is kinda all over the place…jumping around. Just rambling off the top of my head…..

I’m at the point in my life where I don’t care about meeting new people or staying in contact with people. I’ve got my high school friends and they’ll be around forever (given that it’s been 10 years since high school and the core of us are still pretty tight). I’ve got Zena and she’ll be around as long as I live (because I’m gonna die before her…fo sho). I’m socially content with what I have now. And for me, going outside is all about the people out there, not the sights and sounds. There’s nothing outside that interests me other than the people and no people that I want to meet. I’m content being at home. Having my current friends. My girlfriend. I’m content with life. I don’t want anything else and I’m not looking for anything else.

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Just a long tweet w/ some EPIC FAIL.

Monday, April 12th, 2010 at 12:03 pm

I slept “early” last night, around 2am…but I had an awful sleep. In the middle of the night, I woke up really warm…in my half asleep state, not thinking clearly…I went to the window and opened the CURTAINS….not the window, the CURTAINS…and then went back to bed, still warm but hoping it would cool down.

I woke up this morning and realized that opening the curtains and not the windows…didn’t do anything other than give other people a window of me sleeping…not that they’d look but it’s kinda creepy. I don’t want anyone watching me sleep…

I dunno what I was thinking last night when I woke up…and today, I’m irritable and grumpy…which I blame on my bad sleep.

Sigh……

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Maybe I haven’t changed much in the last 9 years…

Sunday, April 11th, 2010 at 9:32 pm

“Happiness only exists through your perspective on life. Only dream if you believe. Never forget the child within. Remember to smile. Regret nothing. Dance like nobody’s watching.” – Warren Shea, High school yearbook Class of 2001

I was 19 when I wrote the above. That was my summary on how to live life. 9 years ago. And surprisingly…not too much has changed.

Happiness only exists through your perspective on life – This sounds like it came from “the glass is half full” side of me but I still strongly believe in it. Happiness is what you make of your life. If you’re not happy, you have to work towards changing it. Right now, there’s an aspect of my life I’m not happy with but I’m spending my nights and weekends trying to work towards changing that. If you’re unhappy…you’re looking at life wrong. Hm. That sounds a bit…preachy…but…if you can change the way you look at life…turn the bads to goods…you’ll be happier. A negative outlook on life doesn’t get better once you achieve the things that are making you unhappy now. New things that will make you unhappy will come up because you’ll make it so. Because that’s how you see life. Start looking at the positives.

Only dream if you believe – This sounds like the naive dreamer side of me. 9 years ago, I was ambitious in life…looking towards the future to achieving the dreams I had not yet reached. I know a number of people in my life right now with dreams…something they’re working towards, or something they want to accomplish in their life. A friend of mine has a dream and he spends so much time, effort, and discipline towards that dream. He believes in his dream and sacrifices everything for it. I impressed with the determination and dedication he has for his dream. He believes in it. I admire that.

Never forget the child within – Safe to say I haven’t forgotten him. It’s pretty obvious to anyone that knows me even remotely well that I still am my own child.

Remember to smile – Despite all my b!tching and darkness, I genuinely smile a lot. I like to laugh and make others laugh whether it be with me or at me. I’m able to wear my smile often, even when I’m stressed. A friendly smile brings a much better aura than no smile. A friendly aura can brighten someone’s day whereas negativity can easily breed more negativity. I try never to be the latter type of person…despite how I’m actually feeling. Even the fake smile that I wear often…is so I don’t spread the negativity.

Regret nothing – I wish I could say I live by this but there’s always a few regrets here and there. Generally though, I try not to let things of the past affect me or at least, learn from my mistakes. I can’t say I completely live by this though, the way I handled UWaterloo for example was a regret of mine and something I can’t really forget…

Dance like nobody’s watching – heh. This might be the one quote that doesn’t really apply to me anymore. In high school, I used to DDR. A LOT. That’s where this quote comes from. Out of my close group of high school friends, maybe 6 or more played DDR…some of my friends didn’t play though. I’m not sure if they were just self-conscious or thought it was stupid…but in high school, I was more confident than I am now, I would dance like nobody’s watching. Can’t say this is true anymore, I’m more insecure now and physically much less fit than I was 9 years ago….the specifics of this rule is gone but the general idea is to do what you want, when you want. Who cares what others think. Be yourself.

Hm. Don’t really like this post, sounds a bit preachy. Still….I found it pretty interesting how these lines from my yearbook still apply to me. There are some changes here and there but the way I live my life, the fundamentals on how I see life, they’re the same. I’m still me, even a decade later.

Posted in All Posts, Friends, Introspection, My Life, Past | 2 Comments »